


Just a Routine Check-Up ~A SecuriTale Tale

by Furostomi-chan (Liebe_chan)



Category: SecuriTale AU, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-06-02 11:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6563617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liebe_chan/pseuds/Furostomi-chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Story is based on the Undertale AU: SecuriTale, created by the very talented tekitourabbit her amazing work can be found here: http://tekitourabbit.deviantart.com/</p>
<p>This story is available with visible fonts on my blog http://storytimewiththefrostqueen.blogspot.com/ also on http://jacqulyyn.deviantart.com/ and https://www.fanfiction.net/~furostomichan</p>
<p>PLEASE: Refrain from your desires to COPY, TRANSLATE or REDISTRIBUTE my work.<br/>I have my own Wattpad account, if I want it posted there I will DO IT MYSELF.<br/>When the story is completed I may accept requests for translation.</p>
<p>To those of you who have just come for a good read and fun please feel free to send me a PM if you see it posted anywhere other than the above locations.</p>
<p>I have only included this statement because other authors have had similar problems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s note: This story is based on the Undertale AU, SecuriTale created by the very talented tekitourabbit her amazing work can be found here: http://tekitourabbit.deviantart.com/
> 
> I thank her from the bottom of my heart for letting me play with the toys in her sandbox.
> 
> Undertale and related characters belong to the amazing Toby Fox
> 
> Two things about this AU: First, Papyrus and Sans are age swapped (Papyrus is the elder.)
> 
> Second, Sans has more than one HP, more on that later; for now enjoy.
> 
> Can be read with FONTacular enjoyment here http://storytimewiththefrostqueen.blogspot.com/

 

* * *

Somewhere in the multiverse someone wondered:

Can college really prepare you for a job as an intelligence analyst?

 

* * *

 

 

Soft snoring was interrupted, by a driving rock song jangling harshly from a mobile. Sans forgot where he was for a minute as his chair rolled out from under him dropping him roughly, ass first onto the floor. The back of his skull collided with the seat of his chair jarring him back to reality, he looked up at his feet still firmly planted on the desk legs still crossed.

“...stupid feet... i guess i don’t have a, leg to stand on,” he chuckled as he struggled to extricate himself from the awkward position. Sans’ mobile repeated the driving guitar refrain, loudly.

“...i’m coming, i’m coming...shit,” only one monster still had that ringtone, Sans swiped the slippery screen to answer with his thumb.

“...hello, agent bones office. we’re sorry agent bones appears to be away from his desk, you have reached agent bones’ voice mail. pay close attention as he has updated the options for your convenience due to new and unusual circumstances.

please select from the following options:

\- to whine about agent bones not doing anything to solve a problem you created for yourself, press

 one.

\- to postulate whether someone has to die before agent bones will return your call, press two.

\- to report agent bones’ bad manners when in reality he is, in fact doing his job, press three.

\- if you would like agent bones to raise your children, press four.

\- if you would like agent bones to admit his chemical dependency on ketchup, press five.

\- if you would like agent bones to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate,

 press six.

\- to provide a list of agents you personally know can kick agent bones’ ass, press seven.

\- to sue agent bones, tell him you'll have his badge, that you pay his salary, or proclaim his career is

 over, press eight.

\- to hear this menu again, please wrap aluminum foil around your head and microwave on high for five

 minutes.”

There was momentary silence on the other end of the line, followed by a soft snort and a gentle chuckle, then the sound of a key press that Sans could only assume was the number four.

“...we’re sorry, agent bones has lost your child and is currently in hiding in burkina faso. please try again later,” Sans let out a soft breath after his spiel and waited. He didn’t wait long as falsetto laughter filled the earpiece after a momentary pause.

“Sans,” scolded a soft motherly voice filled with mirth, “how long did it take for you to come up with that? You are so lucky I called you and not my husband.”

“...er, um… not long, and I knew it was you, toriel… um... your highness, so um… what can I do for ya?”

“Look, I have a special assignment for Papyrus and yourself,” she sighed gently. “As her mother, this task should fall on me, but the King and I are meeting with representatives from the UN to discuss monster rights.”

Sans tugged at his sloppily tied tie.

“...uh, isn’t meeting with the UN fris… um, the ambassador's job?”

He didn’t like it, these “special assignments” gave him an itch between his scapulae. It felt like they were the Queen’s way of keeping him close to Frisk. Especially since Toriel warned him of a young monster climbing the ranks who had shown, clear, interest in Frisk. Obviously, the Queen wanted him to find out who it was, or maybe Toriel knew. Sans was sure of one thing that if he ever met the guy… he’d show that dude a bad time.

“Normally yes,” Toriel cleared her throat softly. “However, there are several countries that are interested in furthering relations with our small enclave. In light of that the UN specifically asked for the King and myself. Actually, I would not normally ask Papyrus or you to take on this… sensitive task, but after what Director Undyne did the last time I sent her. Well, they have banned her from the hospital. So you see this is where the two...”

“...hospital?!” Sans has ceased listening and just threw himself in to full security mode.

“...is frisk… the ambassador...  her young highness ill or injured? all kiddin’ aside, i s-swear i was just with her a half-hour ago. i left her with papyrus… papyrus, s-shi… they were fine when i left,” Sans attempted to tuck in his shirt, straighten his tie, and grab his jacket all while adjusting his lavender glasses and running out the door. Only to slam his right elbow into the door frame, whacking his so called “funny bone,” and skidding into the wall across from his office. Queen Toriel was shouting something at him, but it didn’t register. Blue flames of magic licked at his left eye and a ball of blue light grew in his left hand. His mind automatically went to recent bomb and death threats from so called peaceful groups; though the title radical extremists would better fit their usual calling cards. Sans hit the alarm as he ran for the stairs, which he usually avoided, heading for the third floor.

Like most embassies, the diplomatic, secretarial and security offices were on the main and second floors, though the offices for the ambassador were on the third floor; Something that caused Sans no end of frustration. Sans had practically begged his brother to draft a proposal to convince Director Undyne to move Ambassador Dreemurr’s daily office location. A location which would most likely be achieved, by Sans throwing darts at a blueprint of the building every evening. The Director had disliked the idea, flat out rejecting it, saying not knowing where the Lady Ambassador was going to be from day to day could be troublesome. The King and Queen agreed with Undyne saying that they needed to be more like the humans; yet the threats became more obvious day by day. When on a diplomatic mission to Europe, there had been several embassy bombings by human radicals; twice, just moments after Ambassador Dreemurr had departed. Still he could not convince Undyne and their Highnesses, that having the ambassador's private daily offices rotate would be much safer. He just hoped that they were right and he was wrong.  

Sans was suddenly shaken from his panic by Papyrus screaming in his earpiece. He slid to a stop in front of the door to the top most level, adjusted his earpiece nearer his external acoustic meatus, and took a deep panting breath.

“...pap, papyrus?  y-you’re ok? thank god… thank god... what? say again pap?”

“SANS, WHAT IS GOING ON,” Papyrus queried even more loudly than normal.

“HER ROYAL HIGHNESS JUST RANG ME, TO WARN ME. MUCH TOO LATE IT SEEMS, OF YOUR IMPENDING PANIC ATTACK. SHE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT YOU OVERREACTING TO A SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT. HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? BY GOD, CAN SOMEONE SHUT OFF THESE ALARMS!”

“hOI, analyst tem here Sir. is dat u Sir,” one of the other agents answered Papyrus.

“OF COURSE IT IS I, THE GREAT AGENT PAPYRUS. WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE?”

“tem gotta have dat overrid cOdes, p!!!!!!! Sir, tem always need overrid cOdes.”

“WHAT A BOTHER. C-0-0-L-S-K-3-L-3-T-0-N-9-5.” The alarms ended and the stairwell was suddenly silent.

“thanks cOdes! okies, bOI!”

“...yeah… the coolest,” Sans chuckled darkly, slamming his back hard against the wall and sliding down it slowly, forcing back the panic. For the second time today his ass hit the floor and he ran his throbbing right hand over the top of his skull, while pulling a crumpled pack of clove cigarettes and a silver lighter from from his blazer pocket with the other. Sans opened his mouth to suck on elongated canines with his luminescent aqua, ectoplasmic tongue and proceeded to shake a cancer stick out into his palm. He sucked his canines, loudly, one of many nervous ticks he was only mildly aware of. He looked at the cigarette in his shaking hand, this particular bad habit had come from the most recent RESET however, flipped back the top of the lighter and with one smooth motion created fire. Placing the bone between his teeth he drew in a breath while holding the lighter to it. Sans had never figured out the mechanics of his ability to smoke, sans lungs, but he was drawn to the cloves like a moth to a flame the first time they had visited Paris. It was no doubt the scent of them, like a burning flower. He had asked a polite old codger about his choice of une clope, and the old bones had directed Sans to a very friendly tobacconist, who happened to have a friend near Mount Ebott still willing to risk importing kretek, and... sell to monsters.

Papyrus was continuing to scream through the earpiece, largely nagging Sans for knowing full well that it was _illegal_ to smoke in the building; Sans was oddly comforted by the altitonant. His phone chimed a gentle music box refrain and he lifted slightly to remove it from his pocket. Touching the button on the side lit the screen, 1 NEW MESSAGE it announced. Quickly swiping a _needlessly_ complicated pattern to unlock, since biometrics could not work without fingerprints, he then tapped the message indicator.

 **F**   *My dear are you alright? Mother said you panicked.

 **S**   *heh… yeah kind of. she said hospital and i went off the rails.

       ...ya know there have been a lota bomb threats lately.

 **F**   *I am alright. Papyrus is alright. NO ONE will hurt us here.

   I promise.

 **S**   *yeah i know kiddo… i know... just need some sleep.（;≧皿≦）。゜°。ううううぅぅぅ

 **F**   *Then you shall have some tonight, my dearest friend.

 

“...oh kiddo,” Sans glared at the word friend on the screen, “why do ya always gotta put me in the zone, dontcha know i love ya… dammit.” In his hand his phone chimed, but he did not feel like responding. Sans wanted the comfort and security that came with talking to Frisk, but every time she put him in the friend zone it felt like his SOUL was shattering into dust. The chime came again and he dropped his phone on the floor and sulked like a petulant child. He did not understand, how she could in one breath make his heart stutter when she called him her dear and then scatter him to the wind in the next moment with the dreaded word friend. The chime came a third time and then a fourth, but he continued to ignore it. When the fifth and sixth chimes came he reached for the device; grabbing and unlocking it quickly as the seventh message announced itself.

 **F**   *Sans?

 **F**   *My dear?

 **F**   *Agent Bones?

 **F**   *Sans... Sans?

 **F**   *Still with me Sans?

 **F**   *Sans… my dear, are you there?

 **F**   *Sans? Did you fall asleep?

Sans stared blankly at the messages on the screen. He did not know how to feel about any of them, reluctantly he began to type a response.

 

 **S**   *yeah, sorry… i’m here kiddo… i dropped my phone.

 **F**   *Oh, okay… as long as you are alright then.

 **S**   *yeah… heh ☉‿↼ ಠ‿↼ (ΘεΘʃƪ)σ(^┰゜)

 **F**   *Sans?

 **S**   *hmmm?

 **F**   *Knock-knock...

 **S**   *who’s there?

 **F**   *Choo-choo…

 **S**   *choo-choo who?

 **F**   *Now I see why you went off the rails.

 **S**   *why?

 **F**    *You sound like a train. _ଘ(੭_ ˊᵕˋ)੭*✩‧₊˚

 **S**   *ha-ha very funny young lady. ( ᴼ ڡ ᴼ )σ(^┰゜)ლ(^ڡ゜ლ)

       does paps know you are goofing off? ☉‿↼

 **F**   *No, not yet, he is still yelling at you.（╬ಠ益ಠ)

 **S**   *great… i’ll never hear the end of it.(Ò 皿 Ó ╬)

 **F**   *This too shall pass ༼(∩ ͡°╭͜ʖ╮͡ ͡°)༽⊃━☆ﾟ. * ･ ｡ﾟmy dear.

   Pour vous. @>\--;--

 **S**   * heh, merci. et pour vous --;-- <@ ʚ♡⃛ɞ(ू•ᴗ•ू❁)

 **F**   *You are too skilled… ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

   Is it true, are you _really_ smoking in the stairwell?ू(･ิ ॄ･ิू๑)

 **S**   *...uh, hell yeah! ✧*。ヾ(｡ >﹏<｡)ﾉﾞ✧*。i’m a bada$$

 **F**   *$hit... Sans, someone is going to call the fire marshal,

   again…(＠￣Д￣＠；)  Also, do not swear.

 **S**   *OMG… did YOU just swear your highness? （＊〇□〇）……！

 **F**   *Uh… no! ┻━┻ミ＼（≧ロ≦＼）

 **S**   *you totes did… i. saw. you.┗(•ˇ_ˇ•)―→

 **F**   *NOPE. 凸(^▼ｪ▼ﾒ^) Just nope. Never happened.

   I deny everything, also I have diplomatic immunity.

 **S**   *omg, paps is gonna flip (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻

       if he sees that text kiddo.┌∩┐(ಠ_ಠ)┌∩┐

       not to mention the spanking i’m gonna be forced

       to give ya. ಠ‿↼

 **F**   *... … …

 **F**   *... …

 **F**   *...

 **F**   *LOL, Sans.

 **F**   *wtheck? NOT COOL.

 **S**   *heh... i took it too far… again. didn’t i?

 **F**   *Yes, sort of... look my dear, you had better get down here

   before Papyrus loses it completely.

 **S**   *yeah, yeah ok kiddo… and for what it’s worth…

      i’m sorry...

 

Sans turned his screen off, dropped his phone between his legs, then noticed he had a pile of cigarette ash on his pants, which he somehow managed not to recognize, and proceeded to freak out all over again.

“...fuck, fuck, shit! dust, dust… oh my god, oh my god, papyrus! papyrus!”

“BROTHER,” Papyrus queried worriedly over the com.

“NO SWEARING ON THE LINE.”

“...s-sorry, sorry... i’m fine, i’m fine,” he said, breath shuddering, reassuring himself as much as he was his sibling.

“...i’m ok, i’m ok. i swear i’m ok. c-can you j-just come? come and get me… please,” Sans pleaded.

“FINE,” Papyrus huffed gently.

Sans slouched forward, dropping everything and spitting the butt on the floor. He put his head in his hands. He just was not sure what the hell was wrong, it was like he did not know his own mind. Sans dearly wanted to believe it was lack of sleep more than anything; even though he knew if he did not keep laughing he would be crying. Working with Alphys was producing dubious results, and he truly questioned her scientific knowledge and worried a _lot_ about her mental health; more so than his own. Nevertheless, her friendship with Undyne seemed to be helping in that regard. His own personal notes were a confusing jumble; a true puzzle, one that he was sure Papyrus would love given the chance. Sometimes he could read them and everything on the page made sense. Other days he would find a note he could swear he had not written, yet other days he could not even understand his own work. It was like something was seeping through cracks that he could not see. Yet the timeline had been stable for years, not a chink, not a ripple; there had been no resets, none. Frisk had so far kept her promise.

Sans shifted his weight slightly to reach into his pocket yet again and produced a crushed bag of ketchup flavored popato chisps. He barely moved head or hands yet some how managed to open the bag with his teeth. The door creaked open in front of him and he still did not lift his head. A mirror shined wingtip kicked his scuffed one.

“SANS YOU ARE NOT REGULATION, AND YOU ARE MAKING A MESS.”

“...sorry,” Sans huffed half-heartedly munching the chisps.

“...uh, do ya want one?” Sans raised his arm and shook the bag at his brother.

“MOST EMPHATICALLY, NO. I KNOW YOU WERE NAPPING WHEN YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING LUNCH., SANS. YOU ARE OVERDOING IT, SMOKING,  AND ONCE AGAIN YOU ARE NOT TELLING ME EVERYTHING.” Papyrus sat next to his younger brother and put an arm around his shoulders.

“...pap, what? no… i’m just tired, besides i think the bones are helping,” he gently nudged the pack between his feet indicating the cigarettes within.

“SANS, YOU ARE THE BEST OF BROTHERS AND A GREAT SECRET KEEPER, BUT YOU ARE A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE AND MOST VERY BAD LIAR,” Papyrus said, gently shoving his brother’s shoulder.

“FOR, I PAPYRUS CAN SEE RIGHT **_THROUGH_ ** YOU.”

“...pap, i swear ta ya, honest, i’m just **_bone_ ** tired.” Sans nudged his brother back, holding up his hands.

“YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SO MUCH SMARTER THAN I,” Papyrus said about as softly as he could say anything.

“...what the hell ‘pyrus? …that came outta left field.” Sans whipped his head up to look his brother in the eye.

“... **_YOU_ ** are the smartest, cleverest, bravest and most self-sacrificing monster I know; I’m proud to call you my big brother, you better **NOT** forget it, because i **_NEVER_ ** have and i **_NEVER_ ** will.”

“SANS, I AM NOT _ONLY_ YOUR BROTHER I AM ALSO YOUR SUPERIOR, SO TAKE ME SERIOUSLY WHEN I SAY: **DON’T CALL ME… ‘pyrus**.”

Papyrus pondered for a moment, then said, “YOU HAVE NOT CALLED ME THAT SINCE YOU WERE SMALL. ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE ALRIGHT?” Papyrus took a moment to check his brother’s stats and then shook his head in disappointment.

“ARE YOU AWARE BROTHER THAT YOUR HP IS CURRENTLY SEVENTEEN POINT SEVEN EIGHT SIX THREE REPEATING? I CANNOT HAVE MY MOST TRUSTED ASSET, DELIBERATELY TURNING HIMSELF INTO A LIABILITY. WE TALKED ABOUT THIS REPEATEDLY DURING YOU INITIAL TRAINING, TAKE CARE OR I WILL SEE YOU ON DESK DUTY; BROTHER OR NO.”

“...yeah ‘ **pyrus** , i’m taking care of myself, hence the chisps,” Sans shook the bag again.

“...and by the way if you haven’t noticed… i’m still small. _but_ ... i appreciate you **_raisin_ ** my awareness,” the younger chuckled but the mirth didn’t make it to his eyes.

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO TRY SO HARD ALL THE TIME YOU KNOW...  MAYBE IT **IS** THE CHISPS THAT ARE THE PROBLEM, THEN.” Papyrus knew in his heart his brother was just protecting him like always, and that he wouldn’t make any more headway poking into the hornet’s nest that was his brother’s mind; Papyrus wisely changed the subject.

“SO, WITH ALL YOUR… ANTICS, DID YOU ACTUALLY MANAGE TO HEAR THE SPECIAL  ASSIGNMENT THEIR ROYAL HIGHNESSES HAVE ENTRUSTED US WITH?”

“... **_tibia_ ** honest, no.”

“YET MORE PUNS SANS, REALLY,” Papyrus rolled his eyes in a way that only a skeleton could.

“WE ARE CHARGED WITH TAKING OUR LADY AMBASSADOR, FOR HER HUMAN MEDICAL CHECK-UP.”

“...can’t alphys do it,” Sans whined.

It was true that he wanted to spend all of his time in Frisk’s company, but he really needed a day off just to replenish his HP. Additionally, human hospitals gave him the creeps. They kept their fallen in the basement for God’s sake, until they buried them or dusted them with fire.  While he was a monster of science, how humans dealt with those who had fallen down made no sense, particularly with what was now known of SOULS.  

“NO, THE QUEEN DOES NOT TRUST HER. I BELIEVE WE SHOULD WATCH ALPHYS MORE CLOSELY.” Papyrus turned to his brother and began straightening Sans’ tie.

“...we should leave watching alphys to undyne she is the director and the lab’s head of security.”

“BUT, WE ARE FRISK’S MOST TRUSTED SECURITY AGENTS.” Papyrus stood and brushed himself off, somehow managing to rise completely unwrinkled, then held out his right hand for his brother.

“...that’s why leave it to undyne. the she knows whasup, b’sides she has her job and we have ours,” Sans admonished gently, clasping his brother’s right hand with his left. He scooped up what he could of his mess with his right.

“COME BROTHER. WE MUST NOT NEGLECT THE TARGET. ANYHOW IT IS NEARLY THE END OF THE DAY, WHICH MEANS I CAN FEED YOU SOMETHING MUCH BETTER THAN POPATO CHISPS.” Papyrus kindly and with great care tugged Sans to his feet. The younger wobbled momentarily, but steadied himself by leaning heavily on the elder.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: This story is based on the Undertale AU, SecuriTale created by the very talented tekitourabbit her amazing work can be found here: http://tekitourabbit.deviantart.com/  
> Undertale and related characters belong to the amazing Toby Fox  
> Two things about this AU:  
> First, Papyrus and Sans are age swapped (Papyrus is the elder.)  
> Second, Sans has more than one HP, more on that later; for now enjoy.  
> For those of you do not know, sign language contractions are a bit different from conventional English and can even vary depending on region, so if Sans signs his speech will not appear quite so lazy and without seeing facial expression a lot of meaning would be lost. Also, this is not conventional ASL or BSL, by any means. So if you are a native ASL or BSL speaker, please bare with and forgive the artistic licence.

* * *

Somewhere in the multiverse someone quipped:

If I said I thought you were a clown, I’d be lion.

 

* * *

 

 

Frisk stood at one of the large windows of her office, if she were required to be indoors, this had to be one of her favorite spaces. Her desire for fresh air, sunlight and birdsong were easily met in this space filled with windows and light. If she so wished, Frisk could jump a few feet from the windowsill to her favorite perch, a beech tree limb out in the garden. She had done so many times _even though_ it was a twenty-five foot drop to the ground.

‘Thank goodness it is almost the day’s end,’ she pondered, when she chanced a glance over her shoulder at the clock on the wall. She looked down at the messages on her phone screen, her face reddened with heat and vexation. Glaring at the offending device, Frisk slowly scrolled through the last few messages again.

 

 **F**   *You are too skilled… ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

   Is it true, are you _really_ smoking in the stairwell?ू(･ิ ॄ･ิू๑)

 **S**   *...uh, hell yeah! ✧*。ヾ(｡ >﹏<｡)ﾉﾞ✧*。i’m a bada$$

 **F**   *$hit... Sans, someone is going to call the fire marshal,

   again…(＠￣Д￣＠；)  Also, do not swear.

 **S**   *OMG… did YOU just swear your highness? （＊〇□〇）……！

 **F**   *Uh… no! ┻━┻ミ＼（≧ロ≦＼）

 **S**   *you totes did… i. saw. you.┗(•ˇ_ˇ•)―→

 **F**   *NOPE. 凸(^▼ｪ▼ﾒ^) Just nope. Never happened.

   I deny everything, also I have diplomatic immunity.

 **S**   *omg, paps is gonna flip (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻

       if he sees that text kiddo.┌∩┐(ಠ_ಠ)┌∩┐

       not to mention the spanking i’m gonna be forced

       to give ya. ಠ‿↼

 **F**   *... … …

 **F**   *... …

 **F**   *...

 **F**   *LOL, Sans.

 **F**   *wtheck? NOT COOL.

 **S**   *heh... i took it too far… again. didn’t i?

 **F**   *Yes, sort of... look my dear, you had better get down here

   before Papyrus loses it completely.

 **S**   *yeah, yeah ok kiddo… and for what it’s worth…

      i’m sorry...

 

‘Why does feel the need to say such outlandish things; I thought we were friends,’ she thought indignantly.

‘He knows such statements perplex me. Does he take pleasure in seeing me confounded? What a melodramatic comedian!’ Frisk’s face was bright red and she felt like her hair was standing on end, these mixed emotions only enraged her further. She held her phone up, as if to throw the gadget out the window, but then lowered her arm and glanced around the room. Since she was still alone she hummed softly to herself.

‘At least I did not lose my cool when responding.’ Frisk reflected on why that would matter, then catalogued it for later consideration. It was then that she began to notice something odd, at first the young Ambassador could not put her finger on what was wrong. Frisk scanned the room, mentally looking for anything that might be out of place.

‘Homework neatly finished and placed in bookbag, check; inbox nearly empty, check; outbox pretty full, check; printer tray empty, check; draft of a letter to the prime minister on computer screen, check; Papyrus reading a litany of remaining items, che... wait how disconcerting,no Papyrus.” Glancing at the clock again she realized that she had been alone for almost twenty minutes. Her exasperation with Sans began to slowly burn away, it was not like them to be gone so long.  It was rare she was ever alone for such a lengthy period. Only when she was asleep did she have so much time to herself. Even then the young Ambassador was never truly alone, for sometimes Sans would just teleport into her bed; claiming he had had a nightmare, or concerned she might have had one. Frisk’s cheeks began to heat again, and she touched both hands to her warm face wondering if she were coming down with something.

“COME BROTHER, YOU CAN SIT WHILE OUR LADY FINISHES THE DAY’S TASKS. THEN I THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL ENDEAVOR TO CREATE A DINNER FOR YOU THAT WOULD BE WORTHY OF OUR ILLUSTRIOUS MONARCH,” vocalized a familiar and comforting tenor from beyond the office door.

“...paps... ya dun have to bother, i can j-jus’ get somethin’ from grillby’s,” Sans’ baritone was softer than normal and sounded incredibly tired.

‘Sans is more exhausted than he was letting on,’ as that impression crossed her mind, Frisk let the last of her displeasure evaporate.

“NONSENSE BROTHER, GRILLBY WHILE A GOOD FRIEND IS NOT WHOM SHOULD MAKE YOUR DINNER TONIGHT.” Papyrus pontificated, as he swung open the door.

“I YOUR ELDER, AND MIGHT I ADD SUPERIOR OFFICER, SHALL MAKE YOU A LOVELY PASTA BRIMMING WITH FRESH HEALTHY INGREDIENTS. WITH SUCH POWER AT MY DISPOSAL YOU SHALL BE ASSURED OF A RESTFUL, AND MIGHT I ADD HP REPLENISHING NIGHT’S SLEEP.”

The brothers entered the office, and Papyrus lead Sans to a plush chair in the corner. Frisk could tell from the way that Papyrus was standing he was checking Sans’ HP; it was something that the elder did almost regularly for the younger. As the young woman watched the two of them, she noticed that subtle silent form of communication which would occasionally manifest between the siblings; one she was unable to understand.

“NOW THAT YOU ARE SETTLED BROTHER, I THE GREAT AGENT PAPYRUS SHALL ENDEAVOUR TO HELP OUR HUMAN TO FINISH THE DAY’S TASKS.” Frisk jumped at the sound of the elders voice. Not from fright, after all monsters were much less frightening than humans, she had startled rather because she had been staring at them. The ambassador looked away blushing and quickly sat returning her attention to the correspondence on her screen. Frisk could feel Sans eyes on her, but she had decided that she was going to ignore him.

“HUMAN THE LETTER YOU ARE DRAFTING IS OF GREAT IMPORTANCE,” the tall skeleton moved closer to her and scanned her face carefully.

“HOWEVER, I BELIEVE THAT LIKE MY BROTHER YOU ARE RUNNING LOW ON ENERGY AND ARE IN NEED OF A HEALTHY HOME COOKED MEAL. COME DEAR FRISK, LET US CLEAN YOUR OFFICE AND LEAVE IT AS WE FOUND IT. THEN WE SHALL AWAY TO OUR DOMICILE, TO DO BATTLE AGAINST HUNGER AND FATIGUE WITH WHOLESOME PASTA. NYEH HEH HEH!” Frisk smiled up at one of the best and most understanding monsters in the whole world.

*Papyrus,* she signed, *that is a wonderful idea. May we have a salad and make pudding for dessert?*

“...salad,” came a whine, “aww c’mon papy, **lettuce** not?”

Sans’ plea was met with taciturnity, only the soft shuffling of paper filled the room, as his elder and his lady organized needlessly. Papyrus took his cues from the young human and participated in ignoring his sibling.

“...why are the two of you **pudding** me off? can’t ya see i’m... a **dressing** you? i find being ignored completely un **palatable** . after all even chinese sailors with a **skeleton** crew eat **junk** food, ya can make no **bones** a **bow** t it,” Sans’ skilled punnery was met with total silence.

“...fine! if the two of ya are just going to ignore me i’ll makes myself a **sans** wich,” he yelled in frustration.

There was a very soft and definitely unladylike snort accompanied by a sonorous male chuckle. Sans’ two companions looked at each other for a moment and broke into huge foolish grins, then they lost it and their laughter rang in the the room like tinkling chimes and grand church bells. Papyrus and Frisk would look away from one another and their mirth would slowly die. However, one had only to catch the eye of the other and their joy would infect the room again.

“...twasn’t that funny was it? i only said i wanted a **sans** wich.”

“OH... DEAR... GOD... SANS,” gasped Papyrus between chuckles. “DO… YOU… EVEN... HEAR... YOURSELF?”

Meanwhile, Frisk had apparently lost the ability to stand and was giggling with her butt planted on the floor, kicking her feet like a child, she was trying to sign something but her hands were shaking too hard. With heaving breath she tried to sign again, but only succeeded in giving herself the hiccoughs.

“...what was that frisky, have you developed a stutter,” queried Sans sitting forward in his seat; his face was ripe with confusion.

“...usually neither of ya laugh so hard at my puns.”

*You said ‘Sans,’* Frisk finally managed to sign, still panting for breath between hiccoughs.

“...-i-i don’t get it, what do you mean i said my name?”

“DEAR GOD SANS, FUNNY, REAL FUNNY.” Papyrus’ voice sobered, but still held the sweet note of laughter.

“THE HUMAN MEANS THAT YOU SAID ‘ **SANS** WICH,’ SANS, **_SANS_ ** _WICH_ . YOU SAID **SANSWICH** INSTEAD OF **SANDWICH**.”

“...no i didn’t, did i?”

*You most certainly DID.* Frisk finger spelled the last word for emphasis, still giggling softly.

“...well at least ya aren’t ignoring me anymore. i thoughtcha were going to feed me cold **shoulder** for dinner.” Sans grinned even wider if possible. His response was met with groans and giggles.

“YOUR PUNS ARE GOING TO BE THE **DEATH** OF ME BROTHER.”

*Really, Papyrus? I would think it would be spaghetti*

“ALRIGHT HUMAN, I’LL **BITE**. WHY WOULD THE MOST PERFECT OF FOOD STUFFS BE THE DEATH OF ME?” Ambassador Dreemurr began to sign her answer, but Papyrus held up his hands.

“NOW, NOW MY LADY, IF YOU INTEND TO ENGAGE IN THIS PLAY ON WORDS. YOU **MUST** DO SO IN YOUR OWN VOICE. AFTER ALL IT IS **VERBAL WORDPLAY**.” Frisk pulled a pouting face and Sans mimicked her.

*But...*  Papyrus cut her off yet again.

“NO BUTS. VOCALIZE YOUR VERBAL SWORD, OR **DROP** IT,” her loyal guardian smiled at her warmly.

“...yeah my beautiful girl, i haven’t heard the sultry sounds of your voice today.”

*If you are trying to anger me...* This time it was Sans who stopped her mid sentence.

“...nuh-uh kiddo, say it. don’t give me the **fingers** ,” he gave her a playful glare and made a tsking sound.

“Damn, _fine_...” she pronounced slowly.

“...ah! there she is, and I know I am, _but_ we weren’t talkin’ ‘bout me kid. you were about to lay one on ol’ papy.” Frisk growled at him and Sans growled back playfully.

“Alright,” she replied softly, voice barely above a whisper.

“HUMAN…” Papyrus sighed giving her his kindest look and a hopeful grin.

“FRISK, WE HAVE SPOKEN ABOUT THIS AT LENGTH, MY LADY. YOU MUST ENUNCIATE, NO MUMBLING, YOUR ABILITY TO SPEAK CLEARLY WILL ONE DAY BE ESSENTIAL TO YOUR JOB. COME MY DEAR, I GROW IMPATIENT, **SLAY** ME WITH YOUR WIT.” Frisk let out an exasperated sigh, cleared her throat dramatically, and felt her face heat slightly with so much attention.

“Papyrus, one day spaghetti will be the death of you,” she paused for dramatic effect, “for, eventually you will **pasta** way.” Sans let out a groan, and she gave him a pointed look, as Papyrus nodded his approval.

“I would not be so quick to _judge_ , if I were you Sans.”

“...oh yeah, and why is that kiddo?” Frisk gave him a dangerous looking smile.

“Because,” she said politely, “I know you Sans, and you would **lasagna** couch all day given the choice, as a part of your daily **rotini**.” Sans’ face was one of total shock and Papyrus was grinning like a fool. The young ambassador decided to take advantage of her friends’ silence and continued.

“My apologies for ignoring you Sans. I was angry with you **fusilli** reasons, and while it was neither **mafalde** , or yours. I let my emotions **spirali** out of control. So, I want to take this opportunity **tagliatelle** , I am sorry, and I need to really thank you **fiori** help and protection. I hope, that if ever we are **farfalle** apart, you **gnocchi** that you are my dearest and most cherished friend.” Papyrus began clapping loudly and Sans drew in a sharp breath.

“Forgive me my friends, apparently I am feeling very **pasta** aggressive,” she beamed broadly and turned quickly away from the younger to look at the elder who was now whistling as well as clapping.

*Was I really that good Papyrus,* Frisk asked, returning to sign.

“MY LADY, WHILE YOUR JAPE AT MY EXPENSE FELL A BIT FLAT. YOU HAVE GIVEN MY BROTHER, IF HE WERE CURRENTLY CAPABLE OF SPEECH, WHAT I AM SURE HE WOULD TERM, A ‘ **_SICK BURN_ **.’ QUITE FABULOUS AMBASSADOR, ONE DAY YOU WILL RIVAL THE FINEST OF THE SILVER TONGUED POLITICIANS.” Papyrus patted her head gently, and the two resumed cleaning. It was not long before the office was tidier than when they found it.

While Papyrus and Frisk cleaned, Sans became lost in his daydreams. His was a world where hand in hand, Frisk and he would face their nightmares and fight their demons and win. A place wherein he was the only creature who heard Frisk’s lilting voice, her musical laughter and she held his heart in her hands to cherish or destroy. Watching her every day and being near her was becoming almost too much for Sans to bear. Yet, hearing, actually hearing, her use her rapier wit to take him down a peg made him feel even more deeply what a perfect match she was for him. His soul burned with the fire of determination, to see her safe forever and never again gone from his side. In such a world, perhaps, he would finally capture that kiss; the hidden one that was just out of reach.

‘...OH MY GOD… is it possible to fall even more in love,’ Sans wondered as his cheeks turned a startling bright blue, and he continued to sit in stunned silence.

“SANS, WE ARE READY TO GO. SANS? SANS?” Papyrus moved to his brother’s side and began waving his hand before the young monster’s face.

“...so beautiful,” Sans responded stupidly, as cupid hit him with multiple airstrikes.

“HUMAN, I BELIEVE YOU MAY HAVE INADVERTENTLY BROKEN MY BROTHER.” Frisk made her way over to the brothers and stood between them, so they could both see her hands.

*Perhaps I should attempt a repair?* Papyrus nodded gravely and gestured for Frisk to take over. She moved closer to Sans as Papyrus stepped away to gather Frisk’s book bag and a few files that could be gone over in the morning.

“MY LADY I SHALL BRING THE CONVEYANCE AROUND, I LEAVE COLLECTING MY BROTHER TO YOU. SEE THAT YOU DO NOT DAWDLE, MY DEAR FRISK, HEALTHY DINNERS DO NOT MAKE THEMSELVES AFTER ALL. NYEH HEH HEH!” With that said, the Great Agent Papyrus departed for the parking garage.

*Sans,* she signed his name as she did when she first did when she met him, with the sign for without. It was childish she knew, but he always answered when she addressed him thus. Sans looked up at her with a sad smile on his face.

“...hey kiddo, not like that,” he patiently signed his name, just like he had done, during nearly every first encounter.

*i am sans. sans the skeleton.*

“...dontcha know how to greet a pal,” Sans said and signed to her. Frisk hesitated as she slowly reached for Sans’ hand, but he met her halfway, and grasped hers.

“...i’m sorry, i didn’t mean ta upset ya earlier. i… um... just really, i... r-really,” he sighed, and felt the ache in his soul. Sans had so many things he wanted to say to her, so much love he wanted to express, but it always came out wrong. It made him feel like a letch, and he knew better. Frisk squeezed his hand tightly, then loosed herself from his grip so she could respond.  

*Sans did I hurt your feelings?*

“...w-what? n-no… heck no kiddo. that was some of the best punning i ever heard.” He smiled broadly and chuckled, before growing serious once more.

“...ya had me pegged and you apologized to me too, a-and i didn’t really deserve it, because i upset you… again. if anything… i-i hurt myself when i hurt you; it kills me when you’re angry with me. i-i was just stunned is all and i got ta hear y-your lovely voice, which is always a real pleasure. you’re really sweet to be worried about me, i-i definitely don’t deserve it.”

*My dear, why would I not worry about you? You are my most beloved and closest companion.* Frisk reached out and stroked his cheek, and Sans nuzzled very gently into her touch. She sighed sadly, running her thumb along his cheekbone before pulling her hand away to continue her thought.

*Sans, you are my guidepost; I look to you when I want to be a better person. You helped me when no one else would, you protected me when you did not have to, and you have asked for nothing from me. You have been looking after me longer and with more care than anyone else in my life has, for that Sans, I thank you.* Sans face flushed blue at her heartfelt words, he wished he could be so eloquent and tell her how he felt. Even if he had to wait for her to be ready to accept his love; he would willingly wait for her, until the world faded into the endless void.

“...thanks kiddo, you have no idea how much i needed to hear that.”  

Frisk reached for his hand again and tugged, urging him to his feet.

“...alright i’ma comin’ kiddo, anyways where’s the fire?” Sans eased himself gingerly from the plush chair, and released her hand reluctantly.

*Notice anyone missing,* Frisk asked. Sans glanced around the room, feigning ignorance.

“...nope, but i’ll say... it is strangely quiet, like a **tomb**.” Frisk giggled.

“Yes, it must be a **grave** because I found the **body** ,” she whispered and then elbowed him gently in the arm.

“...nope i’m not the **body** , i’m the **guard**. i havta tell ya though, this is better than the job i had at the circus.” Sans gave her a sidelong smirk as they headed toward the office door, which he held open for her. Frisk stepped into the hallway and Sans shut and locked the door behind them. The pair then made their way toward the elevator, heading for the relative comfort of the SUV.

*Oh really, what was so bad about working at the circus?*

“...welp i was a clown, which was great, but the real problem was the manager,” Sans said as he pressed the call for the elevator.

*Okay, I suppose I can picture you as a clown. I mean it is a stretch, but I can use my imagination.* Her smile was gentle as she looked up at Sans, but her eyes were full of mischief.

*However, I cannot _ever_ see you having a problem with authority. Tell me Sans, what made this manager so bad?* The elevator doors opened, the duo stepped inside, and the ambassador depressed the button for the main floor.

“...welp ya see he was a real twisted individual this manager, and he made me uncomfortable after every performance.”

*Dear me, whatever could this manager have done to make you feel uncomfortable,* Frisk queried when the elevator doors opened once more, and the brace stepped into the bright glass and marble of the embassy lobby.

*I mean, it usually takes a lot to **rattle** you,* the twosome waved at Bob where he sat at the lobby security desk and headed through the main entrance. Sans held the doors for her again.

“...geez don’t i know it, but this guy he made all the clowns come to his office when the act was done.” As they stepped through the doors Sans stopped Ambassador Dreemurr, despite the fact that Papyrus began laying on the horn the moment he saw them.

*Oh, what did he want?*

“...he a, gosh even now it’s hard to talk about.”

*My dear, take your time, but do tell me. It is clear you need to get this off you **chest** ,* Frisk signed while making a valiant effort to keep a serious face.

“...k’ i will thanks... thanks for being so understanding frisky,” Sans sniffled, gave a few crocodile tears and continued in a sobbing voice, “ya see the manager… he wanted us in his office e’ry night... so he could… geez this is so embarrassing… so he could watch us… get undressed.” Frisk gave a mock gasp of shock and brought her hand to her forehead dramatically.

*My goodness why did he want to see such a thing?*

“...welp apparently he was a big fan of… a good... **comic strip** ,” Sans skipped forward and held his arms out to his sides, pandering to an invisible audience, but Frisk groaned. He turned back to watch her hands and face.

*Sans that’s awful.*

“...yeah, it was pretty traumatic.” He clutched at his chest and sniffled, then reached up to wipe his eye.

*No, Sans that joke was awful. Though, I suppose it could have been worse.*

“... how could it have been any worse than that,” he wondered aloud.

*You could have been eaten,* Frisk responded.

“...eaten? huh, whadda ya mean?”

*By the lions.*

“...lions… wait what lions,” Sans questioned, sounding quite obtuse. Frisk set her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes at him with an exasperated sigh, before continuing.

*The circus lions, silly skeleton. We were talking about your taxing, former job at the circus.*

“...’k, i’d be **lion** if i said weren’t curious, soooo why was i so fortunate to not be eaten?”

*You were lucky, because lions think clowns taste,* she paused for a beat * **ridiculous**.*

With that Frisk turned on her heel and began to walk toward their vehicle once more. Papyrus rolled down the window and shouted for them to hurry up, but Sans just stood there watching his lady walk away.

“SANS YOU LAZYBONES, DO NOT JUST STAND THERE BOONDOGGLING! OUR LADY FRISK NEEDS SOMEONE TO OPEN THE DOOR OF THIS CONVEYANCE, sO THAT WE MIGHT RETURN HOME BEFORE THE SUN SETS.”

“DEAR GOD… she’s... perfect,” Sans said under his breath. He then hurried to chase after the departing ambassador.

“...a’ight, a’ight, papyrus i’m coming! yo lady dreemurr wait for me!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is available with visible fonts on my blog http://storytimewiththefrostqueen.blogspot.com/ also on http://jacqulyyn.deviantart.com/ and https://www.fanfiction.net/~furostomichan
> 
> PLEASE: Refrain from your desires to COPY, TRANSLATE or REDISTRIBUTE my work.  
> I have my own Wattpad account, if I want it posted there I will DO IT MYSELF.  
> When the story is completed I may accept requests for translation.
> 
> To those of you who have just come for a good read and fun please feel free to send me a PM if you see it posted anywhere other than the above locations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: This story is based on the Undertale AU, SecuriTale created by the very talented tekitourabbit her amazing work can be found here: http://tekitourabbit.deviantart.com/  
> Undertale and related characters belong to the amazing Toby Fox
> 
> Something about me:  
> Lately, when I am reading these chapters aloud, Sans has a Boston accent and Papyrus has a high-Boston accent. (Yes, I read the chapters aloud to catch grammar mistakes, do not judge.) I do not know where this is coming from; right now I cannot even do Brooklyn if I try. The boys started out in Brooklyn I swear.
> 
> Two things about this AU:  
> First, Papyrus and Sans are age swapped (Papyrus is the elder.)  
> Second, Sans has more than one HP, more on that later; for now enjoy.  
> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2ZYD3Rv-t4
> 
> Also a special message at the end did not post for some reason, you can see it on my blog or deviantart pages though, refer to links in the story description.

* * *

Somewhere in the multiverse someone whispered:

Cimmerian shade, twilight’s gloom, furthermore blackest pitch

* * *

 

 

The ride home was quiet and uneventful; Sans dozed off in the front seat, Papyrus was overly polite to the rude drivers, and Frisk Dreemurr spent the majority of it looking out the window toward Mount Ebott. The young woman had headphones set cockeyed on her head, so she could hear her two guardians if need be, listening to _The Sounds of Rain from around the World_. Frisk began to feel uneasy as they grew closer to home. All of the uncomfortable and awkward moments of the day began to stand out; in stark relief against the backdrop of complete and utter normality. The ambassador mentally rewound the day, reaching for tranquility of mind, slowly tracking through every event fascinating or mundane. A shadow persisted, coloring her judgment with cloud of melancholy, causing Frisk to ponder her state of mind.

‘I have not lost anything today, nor have I neglected my responsibilities; everything is tidy and ready for a new day.’ She lazily unlocked her phone, and checked the calendar looking over the day’s events; no item was left unticked, though the last item stood out in a bold font next to its brothers. Her day was well and truly done, yet the feeling of dread persisted; draping her in a cold wet blanket of doubt. Frisk frustratedly kicked her book bag, in time with the rhythm of   _Rain from Central Park Fountain_ , pouting down at her hands which were currently covered by white gloves. The young woman reached to remove one gauntlet, her only armor in a harsh world. She clutched the mitt tightly in her left hand and gazed down at her right palm. Frisk’s hand looked odd, chalky and dry, the girl rubbed her fingertips repeatedly across her palm in an attempt to remove what she saw there, but to no avail. Bringing her hand closer to her face, she blew gently across her palm and watched a cloud of fine dust spirited away by her breath. Suddenly her mind was filled with flashes of bright gold, birdsong, and pain. So much agony that the torment was seemingly endless. Frisk knew in that moment what was required of her; she needed to run, not from any perceived danger, or even the agony that pressed at her soul. No, Ambassador Dreemurr’s desideratum to run spawned from the knowledge that she was the one who could cause true suffering. Glancing at the door handle, she saw her only means of salvation in escape; no, not just hers, everyone's. It was vital Frisk open the door, now. In a matter of moments, what she needed to do went from simple compulsion to desperation, defense overriding wisdom. They were currently cruising at a neighborhood safe twenty-five miles per hour, and Frisk was well versed in how to tuck and roll. Her hand itched madly to reach the handle, but the door was locked; she wondered how loud the lock would be if she unlocked it. Frisk kicked her book bag more vehemently, and it received no reaction from either member of her security detail. They hit a bump, she lurched forward, and Frisk undid the lock. The track, _Wooden Dock in Light Mist,_ began and she loosed her seat belt; then gave a brief glance toward the front seat. Papyrus was focused on the traffic and Sans was snoring lightly. Papyrus signaled his right turn, she grasped the latch and as he began to apply the break her door swung open and she jumped. She flung herself from the slowing vehicle, and dropped into a tuck, rolling down the embankment and skidding to a stop in the gore near the guardrail. Her mobile was tossed from her grip and landed hard on the pavement of the shoulder.

“FRISK, FRISK! MY GOD HUMAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING,” she could hear Papyrus screaming while she rose from the ground, lept the rail and ran. Her shirt and jacket were torn, she lost the glove she was clutching, her knees were bleeding and she was filthy, but she ran on harder and faster. Frisk’s headphones fell to the ground and she began to get a stitch in her side, but it was imperative she get away. She could still hear Papyrus shouting.

‘No doubt trying to rouse Sans,’ Frisk mused, and she pushed herself to run harder. The glint of metal a few yards ahead helped her to catch sight of her goal and she headed for the large culvert drain pipe. The young ambassador heard the sounds of sirens in the distance, but continued running uncaring. She tripped on a wire that was connected to the guard rail and Frisk hit the ground hard. She felt and heard her stocking rip the moment she got up and perceived blood in her mouth.

‘Nearly there,’ she thought and half ran half crawled toward the culvert’s opening. Frisk felt the change in air pressure, tasted the static electricity and smelt the scent of petrichor that signaled Sans’ teleport, but he was seconds too late she was inside the pipe and she kept moving.

“...kiddo, what the actual FUCK are you thinking,” Sans shouted after her.

“...you are going to KILL papyrus with this behavior. DAMMIT!” Sans was hurt, had they not just put to rights everything he had set wrong with his foolish words and actions. The confusion he felt was like a knife to the heart.

Frisk headed deeper into the the drain knowing full well that if Sans wanted to catch her he would have to either crawl in, or catch her when she came out. The interior of the pipe was an unknown, he might suffer a grave injury if he attempted to teleport inside. Dirty, bloody and sweaty Frisk continued forward determined to get as far as possible alone; she knew that she could not stop moving if she did there would be consequences. Moving quickly, hands reaching for the sides of the tunnel the girl half crawled half scooted herself forward. She could hear the sounds of Sans swearing and some voices she did not know; police or paramedics she assumed and she could hear Papyrus somewhere far away. Papyrus sounded like he was crying, Frisk swallowed hard and paused gasping for breath, listening.

“MY LADY PLEASE COME BACK, I AM SURE WE CAN RESOLVE WHATEVER CAUSED SUCH UPSET.”

“...can you… where… how far,” Sans voice dropped and rose a few octaves and she could not catch all that was being said.

“Call… Ambassador…” a strange male voice rang around her, “danger… jumped… vehicle… ambulance… stan...” The sound was being scattered by the reverb in the pipe, the young girl headed even further away from all the commotion; tumult caused by her actions.

“LOOK… you know we are ...rking for the grea... good.”

“We jus... need to… okay,” the voices dropped away again then Frisk heard, “or… contact parents.

“YOU ...perfectly WELL... her PARENTS are… we... LEGAL GUARDIANS,” Sans speech dropped in and out as it echoed in the culvert. “...stressed... teenager you know how it is. ...just keep the press away, I can’t deal with that shit on top of this,” Sans voice grew louder and more terse. He let out a heavy sigh and the sound of hysterical sobbing accompanied his last loud statement.

“Ambassador Dreemurr, this culvert ends three miles east of here; do you REALLY want to crawl that far?” Sans called out to her, the fulminating pleading and quiet anger in his voice were overwhelming. Breathing quietly, Frisk Dreemurr stopped a moment and considered her options.

‘One: go back now, face Sans wrath and Papyrus’ mothering.

Two: continue forward, for the greater good.

Three: do nothing, knowing full well eventually Sans will follow me in here; similar result as one, dire consequences regarding two.

Four: attempt a… NO, NO, NO! NEVER AGAIN.

Five: look for another way out; there is no other way out,’ she began to look around, there was nothing to be seen in the waning light, so she continued onward.

“Ambassador Dreemurr, are you in need of medical attention,” a strange piercing voice, female this time, asked.

“...are you fucking kidding me right now? SHE isn’t gonna answer you, SHE ain’t even answerin’ me right now! ...shit, fuck… papyrus call her mother. tell QUEEN TORIEL to text her,” Sans baritone was louder now, his screaming echoing all around her. Frisk half crawled further away from the noise.

“I CANNOT, BROTHER. HER PHONE IS HERE IN MY HAND AND I BELIEVE THE DIGITIZER HAS BEEN IRREPARABLY DAMAGED, AS THE DEVICE IS LEAKING,” Papyrus sobbed.

“F-Uhhh-CK, call her any-damn-way let her know before the shit hits the fan.  ’pyrus s’ok, okay? ...i didn’t mean ta yell, this isn’t your fault, ”

“BUT, I AM IN CHARGE. THIS REFLECTS POORLY ON MY ABILITY.”

“NO. IT. DOESN’T. ...look, i’m gonna get in there after her. i’ll fit, you won’t, and there’s no point in risking a human. she’s gonna be alright so help me god, i’ll see her safe.” Frisk’s breath hitched and she crawled deeper into the dark unknown, hugging the wall of the culvert.

“BE CAREFUL BROTHER, FOR I BELIEVE THE HUMAN IS LEAKING AS WELL. WHY, WHY DID SHE DO THIS, HAVE I FAILED IN SOME WAY?” Sans let out an exasperated huff.

“...papyrus don’tcha dare think such a thing. right now her ladyship is just being a stubborn little… grrrr, ugh!” There was a loud bang, she startled and started crawling faster.

“…i NEED you all to get back! ...papyrus get them back, you know how she gets. ...we can’t have this many...” Frisk could not hear him again, then sounds of scraping and grunting coming distantly behind her ladyship, along with the sound of several colorful metaphors. Frisk froze in the darkness unwilling to give away her position, at that moment she wished the whole world would fade into the darkness forever.

Sans for his part was pissed, and he was currently silently damning himself to all the levels of hell for falling asleep. Frisk had been fine when they had left the Embassy, happy even, he did not know what had caused this outburst. His chalking it up to her being a teenager was bullshit; a lie for the police. This scenario was something out of Sans most caliginous nightmares. He hoped briefly he was still asleep, but he was an observant creature.

“...i know damn well i’m awake,” he yelled, with slight hitch in his voice.

“...frisk i swear i’ll use BLUE on you if i have to, and if you are moving it IS going to hurt,” Sans sighed heavily; his voice instantly filled with regret, though pique threaded his tone.

“...kiddo you know i don’t want to do that, EVER, just... talk to me… PLEASE. what brought this on, huh?” He made his way further into the deep shadow inside the pipe, and his jacket caught on something sticking out of the wall. The fabric gave with a loud rip which echoed in the cramped space.

“...wow this must be one of those new paper jackets,” Sans lamented darkly, “because it’s... **tear** able. eventually you’ll have to laugh kiddo, ‘cus i’ve got a million of ‘em. i mean it’s not quantum physics, but eh, it’s a living. ” Sans debated using his magic for light, but he was afraid; with his temper running so hot he might do _something_ he would regret later. He stopped his forward momentum, and closed his eyes to listen for any movement in the twilight inside the culvert. Agent Bones could not hear his lady at all, neither breath, nor movement.

“SANS, I SPOKE WITH HER MAJESTY.” Papyrus could not see his brother any longer, but he heard him growl and shift his weight in the cimmerian shade.

“...alright, what did toriel have ta say about our princess’ current behavior?”

“UMM… S-SHE, SHE… OFFERED TO MAKE A PIE,” Papyrus stated hesitantly. Sans’ chuckle was ripe with sarcasm, and he shifted so he could see his elder brother in the halo of light coming from the entrance.

“...of all the… oh lovely, ask her to put the kettle on as well.”

“YOUR HIGHNESS, WE ARE IN DESPERATE NEED OF YOUR FINE PIE AND MY BROTHER WISELY SUGGESTS… THAT YOU PUT THE KETTLE ON.”

Papyrus continued on the phone, but Sans tuned him out to focus on the task at hand; retrieve their Ambassador. Scraping fingertips angrily from frontal to parietal he then slammed his fist against the wall. Frisk jumped at the reverberating echo, and took advantage of the cacophony of sound. She rose into a crouch and reached for the ceiling. In order to reach it she was able to stand at nearly her full height; being able to stand in the space she began to sprint again heading for the exit that was still nearly two miles ahead; hoping she could make it before her protector caught up with her. Sans peered into the depths of the duct, he thought he heard movement ahead, but he could not be sure. He then cursed himself a thrice damned fool for making such noise and limiting his own senses. At this point unknown to either of them, they were roughly a half a mile apart. The agent shifted positions in an attempt to stand, but it was fruitless; for once he was too tall.

“...of all the,” Sans strung together curses that would make a sailor jealous as his head hit the top of the culvert. He was running out of patience and time, he strained to listen again, but it was futile; he heard nothing. Sans had no idea how far away she was, the kid was fast, forcing him to limit his options. He wanted to risk a teleport but his torn jacket made him hesitate. True teleportation was not like the comic books; he either needed a clear line of sight, knowledge of the area and its surroundings down to the micrometer, or a mapped route. Anger and frustration roiled within Sans, his magic wanted out, his duty to protect Frisk warring with his longing to just hold her again.

“...frisk, LAST WARNING,” Sans tone was baleful as his left eye lit cyan laced with gold.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: This story is based on the Undertale AU, SecuriTale created by the very talented tekitourabbit her amazing work can be found here: http://tekitourabbit.deviantart.com/  
> Undertale and related characters belong to the amazing Toby Fox  
> One thing about me: I unequivocally love puns, if my lovely readers have not yet noticed.  
> Two things about this AU:  
> First, Papyrus and Sans are age swapped (Papyrus is the elder.)  
> Second, Sans has more than one HP, more on that later; for now enjoy.  
> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk1Q9y6VVy0

* * *

 

Somewhere in the multiverse someone thought about:

“... why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings.” _The Walrus and the Carpenter,_ Lewis Carroll

* * *

 

 

Papyrus was constantly on the phone, focusing his attention between shooing away curious human civil servants, who had thankfully thrown up a press barrier, and his conversations. Papyrus’ tones were low and serious and his level of concentration was high. He kept tabs on his brother’s com, despite the fact that most of what he heard was language better suited to a shipyard than a professional, military security detail.

“Papyrus,” said a gruff female voice behind him, “you narcissistic weirdo. The Hammer of Justice relayed your need for some Pie and The Kettle.” The second in command abruptly ended his phone call at the sound.

“OH DIRECTOR THANK GOD YOU HAVE ARRIVED, WHERE IS ALPHYS,” Papyrus snorted Alphys’ name, as if he were trying to get rid of a bad taste in his mouth.

“The Pie is here, but The Kettle is going to take a while to heat up, so to so to speak,” Undyne frowned sharply, “what’s eating you and where the hell’s The Clown?” Frowning, Papyrus raised his hand indicating the dark interior of the culvert.

“THIS SITUATION IS EATING ME, THAT AND THE FACT THAT WE HAVE TO RELY ON _HER_.”

“Damnit Papy,” the director spat, shaking her head,“ _she_ is trying to atone for her sins, hell we all are. Anyways, doesn’t Sans know better than to jump the spear like this?” Papyrus was mentally kicking himself, he really did need to be more on top of his junior. He let Sans get away with things he would never allow in another subordinate, because unlike all the others Sans was his little brother.

“SHE HAD A FIVE MINUTE HEAD START ON US DIRECTOR. IT IS NOT AN EXCUSE, JUST A FACT. SANS IS OVERDOING IT AGAIN AND… AND... I SHOULD HAVE REQUESTED ANOTHER AGENT.” Papyrus hung his head in shame.  

“It’s alright Ego,” she patted his shoulder none too gently, “we all know he’s your brother and ya know you are lucky to have a brother to watch your back. Let me get him on the horn, what channel are you two on today,” Undyne asked and shook her walkie.

“CHANNEL FORTY-TWO.”

“Fuhuhu, I should’ve known. Papy, that Clown sure loves his sci-fi and comedy.” She switched frequencies on her device and was greeted by static and a squawk followed by swearing.

“Hello to you too, sunshine. You wanna let me know what the hell happened?” Sans sighed on the other end of the line and coughed.

“...ya know undyne, it smells like shit in here, and i was having such a nice day. where’s the kettle?”

“She’s coming bonehead, now quit your clowning and fill me in. The Hammer said you were in the sticky, so tell me what happened.” Undyne spat on the ground itching for a fight, but this situation called for words not action. Sans coughed again and there was another blare of static.

“...damn, well she’d better hurry we’re gonna need her, the kid’s phone is outa commission,” static.

“...have a feeling,” more static.

“...something there. i know you are gonna be pissed,” again static.

“...‘bout five minutes on me, and i can’t jump in here. hells i can’t even stand up.” There was another blare of static followed by a couple of bangs then more static.

“Oh man, the signal is breaking up on us, you know what this means.” Undyne spat again.

“JERRY… ugh.”

“Yeah freaking Jerry, for the love of... dang,” she took a moment to switch channels and then spoke again.

“Pie to Kettle, come in Kettle over, talk to me babe.”

“T-this is the K-Kettle, we are about two minutes out. W-what did you need,” Alphys answered sounding more nervous than ever, it was no surprise given the loud noise accompanying her voice.

“Jerry is, unfortunately, who I need; and The Clown says you better have that sweet ass laptop of yours, because we are going to need to crack the Punk’s phone.” Undyne rubbed at the edge of her eyepatch, in irritation.

“W-well, l-luk-fortunately for you I have it, Jerry and the whole Canine Unit with me.” The sound of a helicopter grew closer and the entire Canine Unit rappelled to the ground, Dogaressa carrying Alphys on her back and a very disgusted looking Doggo sporting a clinging Jerry. Undyne switched her radio back to channel forty-two and tried raising Sans once more.

“Bones, you there dammit? I need confirmation. Do you see the target, Clown this is no time for jokes, over.” Her only answer was static.

“Oh God are we outside, again? Will my nightmare never end. Put me down doggo!” Doggo tried to put Jerry on the ground, but it was a futile attempt. He would get one of Jerry’s ‘arms’ loose only to have the other cling to his fur.

“By the treats Jerry, I am trying to put you down. Uggh, get your tentacle outta my ear!” The rest of the Unit was snickering as Jerry sneezed on Doggo. Growling, Doggo finally was able to shake Jerry loose and Jerry fell on the ground in a heap of… Jerry and equipment.

“That is not a tentacle, duh! that’s my arm. twerp!”

“Uggh, whatever, Jerry,” Doggo grunted

“Oh for the love of… will you grunts stop screwing around. We are a professional, elite military unit, and I will not stand for this… this numbskullery.” Undyne’s comment was met with quiet snickers, albeit from monsters with ramrod straight spines standing at attention. Their air of mirth was shattered when static crackled on Undyne’s radio and the sound of Sans’ voice loud and haunting brought them to silence.

 “...frisk, LAST WARNING,” there was a sizzling sound like meat cooking, another popping of static and then silence. Undyne brought the walkie to her face.

“Clown, Clown... Sans... say again Sans. Agent Bones, dammit agent you’d better answer me!” Undyne snarled in frustration, then began to shout orders.

“Jerry, get the comms back up, channel forty-two; Alphys, you and Papy get to work on the Punk’s phone. Commander you and the Canine Unit, get the location to the end of the culvert from Papyrus, and for God’s sake use your noses; if Sans sensed an inkling of trouble then I know there is. He’s never wrong, and neither am I.”

The Canine Unit began by sniffing the tunnel entrance. Alphys and Papyrus, in the meantime were discussing the Ambassador’s phone, while Alphys pulled out a travel table and her laptop. Jerry, in typical Jerry style, flopped onto the ground working with the portable to boost the radio signal. After about five minutes, the Canine Unit got a map and directions from Papyrus then dashed off following the culvert’s above ground route in a wedge formation with Doggo on point. Meanwhile Papyrus was reluctantly working heads together with Alphys to get any available data from Lady Dreemurr’s phone.

“U-um Papyrus, h-have I done something to offend you,” Alphys stuttered.

“NO, YOU HAVE NOT,” he said brusquely. Papyrus had spent the last half-hour trying to look like he was in control, but he was in reality at a loss as to what had gone wrong. The elder skeleton brother disliked the topsy-turvy feeling that came when his day did not go as scheduled. Making mistakes was a part of life, but in Papyrus’ world mistakes were to be avoided at all costs.  

“You followed procedure, you did everything by the book. If Sans was tired it was more m-my fault than his. I-I made a mistake t-the other n-night, and he was k-kind enough to help me correct it.”

Papyrus made an unpleasant noise in his throat.

“YOU DO THAT, DO YOU NOT? MAKE MISTAKES...” Papyrus trailed off when Undyne gave him the stink eye. Alphys did not notice Undyne watching them, and rose to his bait.

“P-Papyrus I-I… my, m-mistakes are well documented and a-a matter of record, I-I kept meticulous notes. Y-Your brother, Sans… he’s trying to help me correct… A-Anyway, I’m s-so sorry he wasn’t at one-hundred percent today.” Papyrus made another dreadful sound, but wisely said nothing under Undyne’s scrutiny.

“Have the two of you accessed the data yet,” Undyne asked approaching them with a concerned look on her face, for both of her friends.

“WE HAVE GAINED ACCESS TO HER LADYSHIP’S TO DO LIST. WHICH CONTAINS A SUSPICIOUS BOLDED, ENTRY. HOWEVER, IT APPEARS SHE HAS WIPED BOTH HER EMAILS AND TEXTS FROM THE LAST TWENTY-FOUR HOURS, ONLY THOSE FROM MY BROTHER THIS AFTERNOON REMAIN.”

“I-It will take time to recover the w-wiped data,” Alphys offered.

“You said suspicious. Suspicious how, Papy?”

“WELL BOLD FONT FOR ONE,” Papyrus cleared his throat before continuing.

“SHE NEVER BOLDS ONLY ITALICS. ALSO IT WAS NOT PART OF THE LIST WE DISCUSSED YESTERDAY. THE ADDITION SIMPLY SAID ‘JUMP: LAST RIGHT BEFORE HOME.’ I DO NOT UNDERSTAND IT, BUT THAT IS _EXACTLY_ WHERE SHE JUMPED.” He sounded like he was on the verge of tears, and Undyne patted him more gently than before.

“Look Papy, I’m only going to say this once more. This isn’t your fault. Neither you, nor Sans did anything wrong here. In fact, if this is what I suspect it’s been a long time coming,” Undyne turned her head to look at the affliction that was her radio expert.

“Jerry, give me some good news.” Jerry blew his nose in his hand, oblivious to social norms, then wiped it on his leg and the three friends looked elsewhere in disgust.

“Sorry Mam, I believe Agent Bones, com is fried. I’m not even getting a signal any longer.”

“Shit,” Undyne swore, a rare occurrence, “you know what that means. How far did you say it was to the end of this pipe, Papy?”

“IT COMES OUT EXACTLY THREE MILES FROM HERE. ODDLY, THIS IS DIRECTLY WHERE OUR LADY HEADED.”

“Alphy, what about the trackers?”

“U-Undyne they are i-in the experimental s-stage, I-I haven’t even done the field test, S-Sans and I w-were discussing when and how to i-implement.” Undyne shook her head in frustration.

“Look Alphy, as much as I love ya I ain’t got time for your nerd mumbo jumbo.”

“TRACKERS, WHAT TRACKERS? MY BROTHER NEVER MENTIONED ANY TRACKERS,” Papyrus’ tone went from exasperation to confusion.

“P-Papyrus, I-I’m sorry t-they were in the v-vitamin injections, S-Sans made me swear not to t-tell you until t-they were online.”

“UNFUCKING BELEAVEABLE!” Both Undyne and Alphys gasped and took a step back, it was not like Papyrus to swear, or even get angry.

“Woah, Papy cool it. Be calm we all know Sans has his reasons...” Papyrus interrupted Undyne’s attempt to comfort him.

“NO, NO! YOU KNOW WHAT, WHY SHOULD I BE CALM? WHY THE HELL SHOULD I? OUR LADY TOOK OFF, WHEN SHE KNEW FULL MY, BROTHER, HAD LOW HP. SANS TOOK OFF AFTER HER AND ALREADY DID ONE TELEPORT, SO IF HE DOES CATCH UP TO HER HE MAY NOT HAVE THE ENERGY TO DEFEND HER, IF NEED BE. AND NOW ON TOP OF EVERYTHING, I FIND OUT YOU **ALL** HAVE BEEN LYING TO ME… TO ME YOUR **FRIEND**! SANS TELLS ME HE THINKS I AM CLEVER AND BRAVE, BUT… BUT YOU ALL STILL TREAT ME LIKE THE VILLAGE IDIOT.” Papyrus was seething, and he turned his back on them.

“P-Papyrus,” Alphys began, but she was cut off by his sharpened words as he turned to face her.

“OH NO, YOU DO NOT GET TO SPEAK TO ME, YOU **MAD** SCIENTIST! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO MY **BABY BROTHER** , TURNING HIM AGAINST ME? ARE YOU GOING TO TRY TO MAKE HIM **DETERMINED** ALSO?” Alphys’ shocked expression meant nothing to Papyrus, he turned and spat on the ground at her feet, advancing toward her. Undyne did not waste a moment, but cast Papyrus in GREEN immobilizing him.

“Papyrus, you will stand down! This isn’t the time for this, we need to get Ambassador Dreemurr back, and then you need to make us all; Sans, The Punk, Alphys, the Canine Unit, me and even Jerry,  a nice spaghetti dinner. Over which we can discuss your grievances.” She held Papyrus in a tight grip, as she turned to look at Alphys again.

“Next time you are told to keep something from my number one, you come to me. I don’t care if Sans tells you otherwise, got it nerd? Now, not one more word about this bullshit, the humans are getting itchy,” Director Undyne cast a glance at the humans up the hill from them.

“Get those freaking trackers online. Use Papyrus’ as a baseline.” Never letting up on her grip on Papyrus she turned to the bane of her existence once more.

“Jerry, you wimp! Get me the dogs.”

“Yes. Um, yes Mam,” Jerry had just spent a few moments, of his otherwise mundane existence, observing something that no one would ever believe; not that he would ever repeat it. He turned his attention to the task at hand and soon had the located the the dogs on channel twenty.

“The CU is on channel twenty, Mam, and thanks for the dinner invite,” Jerry sniffled. Undyne gave him a simple curt nod, then set her radio to channel twenty.

“Alphy babe give me good news, do we have a baseline?”

“Undyne, I have Papyrus online and the signal is hot.Bringing Sans online right now, but if he is using magic there may be problems.” Alphys spoke evenly her tone serious.

“NO YOU CANNOT, HE TAKES TOO MANY RISKS. YOU BOTH KNOW, IF SANS THINKS HE IS OUT OF TIME OR HE BELIEVES OUR LADY IS IN DANGER HE WILL ATTEMPT ANOTHER TELEPORT.” Papyrus was really struggling now and Undyne tightened up her GREEN control.

“Damn the risks, do it. We need to know where they are,” Undyne then turned her attention back to her radio.

“Unit I need good news, tell me you’ve got some.”

“Dogaressa here, Director, we are about a quarter mile from the end of the duct. I, and we all agree on this, smell Agent Bones. You aren’t going to like this boss, but he doesn’t smell so hot.” Papyrus groaned, attempting another futile struggle in the grip of GREEN magic.

“UNDYNE, YOU CANNOT HOLD ME HERE. MY BROTHER NEEDS ME, HE NEEDS ME,” Papyrus sobbed.

“Keep it together Papy.” She returned her attention to the radio.

“Ya got sight of him yet Unit?”

“Dogamy calling, boss. We’ve made it to the exit, Clown’s not here nothing but a wiff. Smells like dirt after rain and sick boss, makes my nose itch. I smell and we all agrrree, humans. Not our Human, Lady Frisk Human, she smells fun. These humans smell, not fun.” There was the sound of barking on the radio.

“Lesser dog says, Lady Human Frisk went with those bad smell humans, and we all agrreeeee,” Dogamy bayed, and the rest of the Canine Unit took up the call. The sound caused the radio to pop loudly several times.

“You guys need to cool it, or we are going to lose contact with you too. Any idea on direction Commander,” Undyne queried in a less than calm voice. There were several sharp barks and some vicious sounding snarling, then silence.

“This is Commander Doggo, Mam. Looks like they headed south, in some kind of vehicle, toward the mountain. Say we can chase the car Mam, please, please.”

“Not toward the city, fuhuhuhu. Well nuts to those grade- A cowards, because you guys can really do your thing out in the wilderness. Right, Unit?” Affirmative, barks came over the line.

“Okay new plan, maintain radio silence, _unless,_ you find Sans. You find him, contact us immediately, otherwise Canine Unit is now in stealth mode. I repeat stealth mode. Recover the target at all costs.” The radio went silent and Undyne reached up running her fingers through her ponytail in frustration. Of all of the factors they had trained for the one Sans had been most concerned about was her Ladyship running off; he would never say why.

‘That Clown is always right, I need to put more faith in that weird little freak,’ Undyne thought. Initially she had laughed at the idea, but she now she knew they were going to have to do some serious reevaluation of their risk scenarios; as soon as all of her people were home safe.

“Director, I have Agent Bones online a-and his location, b-but you are not going to like it.” Alphys broke in on Undyne’s musing.

“What’s the deal Alphy, where is he?”

“H-he that i-is to say h-his w-well...” Alphys stuttered her tone incredibly anxious. Undyne looked Alphys up and down and growled in frustration.

“For frick’s sake Alphys just spit it out!”

“O-Okay just remember y-you s-said d-damn the consequences. A-Agent B-Bones’ HP is now seven.”

“NO... NO, IT CANNOT BE THAT LOW,” Papyrus whimpered, having long since given up his struggle against Undyne’s magic, he had instead been trying to see Alphys’ computer screen, but now his head slumped against his chest bonelessly. Undyne felt it was finally safe to release him from her iron grip and Papyrus landed on the ground in a heap next to Jerry.

“And… location, I thought you said you had a location Alphys.” Undyne’s voice was strained and you could cut the tension with a knife. Alphys shivered under her girlfriend’s gaze, but said nothing.

“Alphys, location?”

“H-He… um… I-I have the t-target online.”

“Dammit Alphy, I need a location.”

“H-He’s w-with the t-target th-they are currently h-headed south at f-forty miles per hour.”

“MY BABY BONES, I PROMISED I WOULD PROTECT HIM,” Papyrus moaned, rising to his feet.

“I SHOULD NEVER HAVE AGREED TO THIS. HE WANTED TO STUDY THE STARS.”

“Sans HP is d-dropping: six point eight, six point three...” Alphys continued to rattle off numbers.

“Dammit Alphy, shut that noise. Jerry! Get that chopper back here. Hell yeah, life is way better than Anime!” Jerry wasted no time recalling the helicopter.

“This is Hi-fi to chopper one… chopper one come in, over.”

“This is MK what’s the haps snot man?” Monster Kid shouted over the com.

“The Pie needs a pick-up, I repeat The Pie needs a pick-up, plus two, and don’t call me snot man,” Jerry ordered.

“Anything for the Boss Lady on my way, snot man. MK out!”

“Come on Papy,” Undyne walked over to her second in command and put her arm around his shoulders.

“We are going to get a human, well several humans apparently. Just like the old days.”

“JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS… WILL THERE BE JAPES,” Papyrus asked. A grin graced his face, as a mist of ocher like a warm sunset colored his eyes.

“Fuhuhu, oh hells yeah buddy, as many as you want,” Undyne laughed, drawing an aquamarine spear from the æther. The sound of a helicopter drawing near blended with their laughter.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: This story is based on the Undertale AU, SecuriTale created by the very talented tekitourabbit her amazing work can be found here: http://tekitourabbit.deviantart.com/
> 
> Undertale and related characters belong to the amazing Toby Fox
> 
> One thing about me:
> 
> I love The Oatmeal’s grammar posters: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/misspelling
> 
> Two things about this AU:
> 
> First, Papyrus and Sans are age swapped (Papyrus is the elder.)
> 
> Second, Sans has more than one HP, more on that later; for now enjoy.
> 
> Chapter song: https://youtu.be/ccZuKOTb6ug

* * *

Somewhere in the multiverse someone wandered:

Out of the darkness and into the waning light...

* * *

 

 

While Frisk may not have been able to hear everything that was happening with Sans, that did not mean he did not have a lot going on. There was a sudden burst of static and a squawk that caused Sans to break into a bout of swearing.

“Hello to you too, sunshine. You wanna let me know what the hell happened?” Undyne chuckled on the other end of the line. Grit fell into Sans face at that moment causing him to cough.

“...ya know undyne, it smells like shit in here, and i was having such a nice day. where’s the kettle,” he asked tersely.

“She’s coming bonehead, now quit your clowning and fill me in. The Hammer said you were in the sticky, so tell me what happened.” He heard a sound that sounded suspiciously like Undyne spitting on the ground. She may be able to fool others, but her tone let him know she was ready to fight if need be. Sans coughed again and there was another blare of static.

“...damn, well she’d better hurry we’re gonna need her, the kid’s phone is outa commission. and i have a feeling that someone may have put her up to this. there must be something there. i know you are gonna be pissed, but the kid had ‘bout five minutes on me, and i can’t jump in here. hells i can’t even stand up.” There was another blare of static and Sans punched the top of the culvert, twice.

“... undyne, undyne ya copy? ...pie, this is the clown over… pie? shit… these radios cut out with alarming frequency,” he deadpanned as he ripped the device from his neck and tossed it aside.

“...frisk, LAST WARNING,” Sans tone was baleful as his left eye lit cyan laced with gold. He knew full well his magic may not reach her, and he did not know how far away she was or if she had heard him the way this place echoed. He took a deep breath and counted to ten, but it did nothing to calm him.

“...sorry kiddo, hope ya ain’t too mad at me later.” Sans reached out to his sides and placed his hands against cool metal, and he focused his energy out ahead of himself along the walls of the culvert. The darkness was suddenly filled with dazzling, azure light and Sans even had to take a moment to blink at the change in scenery. He looked down to see wet greenish-blue muck between his knees, and then up to his left and right to walls that had quite a few hazards to clothing and bone. Far in the distance just at the edge of his magic enhanced vision, he could make out a slight shape that he knew better than the back of his own hand.

“...frisk,” Sans breathed. As his magic died away he was glad she had not been hit by the brunt of it, but she must have been in the last third of the tunnel. All of his distractions had slowed him considerably, and his earlier nap had done nothing for his HP, in comparison to all of the energy he had expended in the last forty-five minutes or so.

“...i gotta give it to ya kiddo you are fast as hell, but ya ain’t supposta be running from me. i need you to run to me, my beautiful girl.” Sans said softly, as he reevaluated his position. He now had a partial visual map of the culvert, Frisk was getting further away every moment he hesitated, it had to be getting near sunset by his estimate, and he still did not know what or who could be waiting for either of them at the end of the tunnel. One thing that Sans did not like to deal with were variables he could not control. While a partial picture of the tunnel was a less than ideal factor, it was an acceptable risk, when compared to the unknown beyond the pipe’s mouth. He brought the mini-map of the tunnel up in his mind again and made a few quick calculations. Then gathering his magic around him he made the jump through folded space. Sans felt the tickle that something was wrong, but it was too late he was already emerging. His quick calculations must have been off by mere microns, but these tiny units were enough to cause him to crash into the wall at top speed when space unfolded. He felt his right arm break before he heard it and his head hit the wall fracturing the bone near his right eye; Sans slumped to the floor, fell forward and vomited.

“DAMMIT,” he wiped his hand on his slacks and reached up to gingerly touch his skull. Sans hissed in pain, he could feel the shattered zygomatic bone and it felt like a piece of it had fallen into his eye socket. He was not concerned about his broken arm, it would heal, but it was going to slow him down. Sans decided to forgo a check on his HP and instead tore the damaged right sleeve from his jacket, laying it across his knees. Then he unbuttoned his dress shirt sleeve and tore it from the garment, and using his teeth and his left hand he tied the two strips of fabric into a sling before surveying the damage to his right arm.

“... oh hell,” Sans felt like he was going to be sick again. His radius and ulna were both broken, to say severely would be an understatement. The shattered bone was ghosted by tendrils of his magic both azure and faint gold, it was the only thing holding his arm together. Sans assumed his face was in a similar state.

“...welp this isn’t good, but they say break a bone today and you’ll hurt tomarrow,” Sans chuckled to himself as he maneuvered the improvised sling around his neck, then swiftly grabbed his right hand with his left and dragged it into the sling. Once that was done, he did take a moment to relieve himself of the remains of his poor excuse for a lunch and he spat several times to rid his mouth of the taste. Glaring down at the discarded food Agent Bones noticed it too was laced with his magic, and he was glad he had skipped that HP check.

“...sorry ‘pyrus you can chew me out later.” Sans reached into his pocket to retrieve his smokes, only to find a crumpled package that was having difficulty coalescing with reality. He let out a muffled groan, the particles were in quantum flux and were clearly uncertain of their place in time or their energy, as some of the cigarettes were trying to bloom and burn simultaneously. Stuffing the collapsing matter back into his pocket, Sans pushed himself to his feet and braced himself against the wall; careful to avoid hitting his head again. He attempted a few cautious steps forward and stumbled weakly, before collapsing to his knees once more as his digestive system once again betrayed him. Spitting again, he looked in the direction the Ambassador had disappeared, certain he was facing the right way because he could make out the nimbus of light coming from the exit. Sans could however no longer see the outline of his Lady, but he was certain he could smell exhaust.

“...not that much further,” he surmised. Sans began to weigh the risk versus the reward, he could see the light ahead after all. Unblocked light was a good target; perhaps on this excursion, space and time’s propensity to curve would not betray him. He shivered, while the interior of the pipe was cool it was not cold, Sans knew that shock was setting in and he needed to keep moving. Another jump was his only option of catching up with the Ambassador.

‘...aim for the light, aim for the light,’ he began chanting over and over in his head. Sans could never remember exactly when he had discovered his ability to fold space. Papyrus had once said something about being a sneezy baby bones, but when he was younger it had helped to mentally visualize his target. When he emerged again he landed face first in the dirt and hard on his injured arm, in bright but waning light.

“Well, well, welly, well, well. What do we have here,” asked a gruff male voice.

“Looks like a lost cadaver after a hard day,” a second voice responded humorlessly and one of the voices gave Agent Bones a kick in his right side. Sans chuckled getting a mouth full of dirt.

“...funny i ain’t heard that one before.” Sans received another kick for his trouble.

“Shut da fuck up, creature,” a rough and tumble female voice shouted.

“Yeah, but where the hell did it come from?” Another kick.

“Who tha hell cares, kill it.” There was the sound of struggling and a yelp. Sans tried to raise his head, but one of the voices had apparently placed their foot upon it in an attempt to crush it.

“Ahh, fuck! Lady did you see, the little bitch bit me.”

“NO, no! Do not harm him.” Frisk’s voice was like music to Sans’ ossicles.

“...my lady ambassador, you are unharmed?” He heard and felt Frisk kneel near his injured side.

“I am well, Agent Bones,” she whispered stroking his exposed shoulder gently.

“...your lady mother she…” he coughed.

“...she said she was making _pie_ for desert and was putting the _kettle_ on as well. my _ego_ feels that we could _hammer_ out dinner details later.”

“That’s enough of that, neither of ya is going to be home for dinner,” Sans felt his Lady violently pulled from his side, and a moment later he was roughly hauled to his feet. His eyes attempted to adjust to the light, but before he could make out shapes beyond a blur someone unceremoniously tossed a sack over his head. Sans could just make out the the sound of dogs baying in the distance.

“Put ‘em in the van ya knuckleheads! Do I gotta do everythin’ myself,” the female shouted then Sans was roughly shoved forward and bodily tossed onto the metal bed of said van. He could hear the soft step of her Ladyship as she was more gently lead into the vehicle before the doors slammed.

“Let’s get the hell outa here, apparently this biology lab reject ain’t the only one on our tail.” Sans heard the whirr of the engine revving, he then felt the movement of the vehicle pick up quickly. The strains of baying and barking were louder now; he could even hear it over the sound of the engine.

“You little monster lovin’ bitch, look at my hand,” there was the sound of a slap and a very feminine grunt. Sans made a fist, drawing his arm underneath his torso and attempted to call his magic to himself once more.

“ _Carl_ you dumbass don’t wreck the merchandise. HE believes she can be reeducated.”

“Well you know what I say to that, **Paul** , bullshit! This dumb little bitch shoulda died down there with all the others, these _things_ don’t belong on _our_ pristine earth.” Sans received another hard boot to the ribs, he could feel they were cracked now.

“NO NAMES, idiots,” a new voice chimed, another male. Sans could feel his magic building but it was weak; fizzling like a wet campfire. He used his rage as fuel, anger that Frisk had run and lied to him; irritation at having lied to his brother; self loathing at his own weakness; also he was pissed at Undyne, he had tried to warn her of this very possibility; but most of all he was livid someone had just hit his girl. His lividity shone in his magic, it became an icy death of grayish-blue intertwined with indigo.

“Don’t worry that one won’t see tomorrow.”

“Your email explicitly promised that, none of my friends would be hurt if I came to you willingly,” Frisk whimpered from Sans right, where she was apparently sitting with _Carl the Ladyslapper_.

“Your, _friends_ , won’t matter to you by the time we are done with you,” the driver said.

“Once you have been reconditioned, we will be your friends. Then, you will want nothing more than the destruction of the entire race of those disgusting creatures,” the driver’s voice dripped with honey coated malice, a sickening sound of LOVE.

“Ya sure are talkative for a supposed mute,” the woman spoke again. It sounded to Sans like she was in the front seat, with he assumed the other male who was he guessed the driver.

“You have placed a bag over the head of my translator, and I have been taking lessons,” the Ambassador volunteered.

“From monsters no doubt, no wonder you don’t sound human,” that was _Paul_ , to Sans he sounded like he was to the left, across from Frisk and _Carl McKicksalot_.

“By God, just shut up, idiots,” the driver shouted. Sans flattened out his palm against the cool floor beneath him. He slowly released wispy tendrils of magic at the molecular level, to reach between the covalent bonds holding the van’s metal together.

“You should not be so judgemental,” Ambassador Dreemurr said bravely, her voice sounded strained. She had been pushed to speak today by Sans and his sibling and now she was forced to, because he was unable to help her.

“There are those who are more qualified to judge the actions of others.”

“Ya know you’re feisty girly, I wouldn’t mind having a little fun with you,” Frisk let out an uncomfortable squeak.

“Yeah,” lecherous laughter, “I could get used to that sound.” There was an audible scuffle followed by another loud smack and Frisk yelped.

“Please eschew touching my person in such a manner.” Sans was getting nervous, humans had a mob mentality; even with a female present they may not refrain from doing his Lady an irreparable violence.

“If you mean ‘don’t touch me,’ sweetie why don’t you just say say it, hmmm? Say it and maybe I’ll stop,” Carl laughed, darkly and evilly, as he reprimanded Frisk. Then there was another cry from the Lady Ambassador and the strain of a scuffle echoed within the confines of the van.

 “Dammit Carl, ya fucktard, touch her again and I’ll toss ya out,” the woman sounded pissed. Carl obviously chose to ignore the woman because he spoke again.

“Hold still girly, your _Uncle Carl_ just wants to see your pretty face,” there was a thud like a brick hitting meat and Frisk began to cry.

“Paul take the girl,” the Driver barked.

“ _Carl_ if you ever attempt again to, touch, what will one day be our greatest asset. I won’t just kill you, _I will erase you from existence_ ,” the driver’s tone brooked no argument.

‘...apparently he and the woman are in charge,’ Sans thought. These people, whoever they were, clearly had so much darkness in their souls. Sans was sure if one would put them in a pit, with nothing, they would find a way to kill one another. Sans felt a sniffling Frisk step over his prone form, forcing him to focus on his current task, instead of musing on whatever these unholy creatures were. His magic was moving too slow for his liking and he was starting to feel extremely sleepy; yet he persisted knowing that his magic was their only chance at escape, or at the very least slowing down their captors until the cavalry could show up. Despite the sluggish pace, Sans could tell his magic was working, because it was starting to get warm in the van; especially on the floor where he was. He turned his head, putting even greater pressure on his injury, so he could listen for the sound of the molecules separating and the heartbeats of Frisk and her captors; though listening would spread his already sparse magic reserves even more thinly. The atoms were beginning to vibrate, Sans could sense it. He had sudden momentary fear, added to the many he was already burdened with, that Frisk may not know what he was planning; that she may suffer because of his actions, but it was too late he had already set ablaze the fuel that was his rage.

“Damn, I don’t remember this road being so rough when we outlined this route,” the driver sounded nervous.

“S’long as we don’t have a breakdown we’ll be fine,” the woman said irritably. There was a resonating sound, then the rough popping of glass as all of the windows in the van blew at once. The driver slammed on the break and the van skidded to a stop, under the cover of the treeline. The molecules began to disperse into the evening air and all hell broke loose.

“What the fuck is happenin’,” Carl screamed and ran for the rear door only for it to join the invisible portion of the universe, spilling Carl out head first onto the ground, where he was held to the earth by a halo of deep cobalt light. Paul grabbed Frisk, causing her emit another loud squeak, pulling her toward the opening that the door left only to have the floor disappear from beneath him. Frisk was ready, and twisted herself loose from her captor’s grip flipping in midair to land on the ground near Sans; who was hovering inches from the earth. Paul was much less fortunate as his ankle broke his fall, by shattering in spectacular fashion, and he too was held in place by a violet-blue glow. The driver and the woman were yelling at one another, neither could escape their dissolving seats as their seatbelts appeared to be fusing with their bodies, dancing with lustrous fireworks of ultramarine. The Ambassador hauled her Agent to his feet, and he leaned on her shoulder as she removed the bag from his head.

“...next time can we do it without the head bag,” Sans asked blinking to clear his vision.

“i hate the head bag.”

“Does there have to be a next time,” Frisk wondered quietly, sniffling softly and looking at the ground.

“...that is up to you little girl, this was all on you. are you alright though, kiddo?” Frisk made a soft humming sound, in response to his question, which Sans chose to interpret as more positive than negative; he then cleared his throat, before addressing their former captors.

“...attention kidnappers,” Sans stated loudly, then he glanced at the top of the Ambassador’s downturned head.

“... my lady ambassador,” he queried sotto voce, “... are they listenin’ to me, ‘cus my eyes ain’t working too hot right now. i guess you could say i have blind spots, but i don’t see ‘em.” Sans chuckled and Frisk chanced a glance at him, his injuries were worse than she realised; the light in his left eye flickered an odd bruised purple, something she had never seen before. She looked over each of her would be kidnappers. They were all looking at Sans with fear in their eyes, a couple of them were whimpering, but the woman was cursing under her breath. Ambassador Dreemurr was about to nod to her protector, but she was not even sure he could see her. His left hand was occupied, so she gently reached for his right hand, and touched the exposed bone carefully to finger spell against it.

*They are looking at you and they are afraid.*

“...’fear makes the wolf bigger than he is,’ but after what they pulled maybe the should be afraid of the big bad wolf.” Sans turned his attention back to where he could hear the pulsing of the kidnappers hearts.

“...i don’t know if you have noticed a distinct inability to resist the pull of gravity, and when i say gravity i mean me.” Sans drew the kidnappers together in front of him, none too gently.

“...welp anyhow, welcome to my special power, you are all BLUE now.” He was currently leaning on Frisk heavily and he did not know how much longer he could keep this up. Sans knew the canine unit would arrive soon; just like he knew his brother and the rest of his team were coming, but his vision was blurring with each passing second and his control was weakening he could not call forth even one blaster.

“I am here for you Sans Bones,” Frisk smiled up at him, eyes shining with determination, despite her blackened eye.

“I believe in you.” She placed a gentle hand on the shoulder of his injured arm, Sans could feel the pain recede and his vision began to clear.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: This story is based on the Undertale AU, SecuriTale created by the very talented tekitourabbit her amazing work can be found here: http://tekitourabbit.deviantart.com/  
> (She has done a couple of amazing pieces for this story so please check them out.)  
> Undertale, related characters, and some words belong to the amazing Toby Fox  
> Two things about this AU:  
> First, Papyrus and Sans are age swapped (Papyrus is the elder.)  
> Second, Sans has more than one HP, more on that later; for now enjoy.  
> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSDgHBxUbVQ&nohtml5=False

* * *

Somewhere in the multiverse someone put a stamp on it:

...and shipped it like____________™.

* * *

 

 

The chopper came into view again, bringing with it noise and dust which sent Jerry running for the cover of Undyne’s SUV. The aircraft was an early model Sikorsky UH-60 Black Hawk, while the outside revealed its age and combat use; though this had been remedied somewhat, because it had been lovingly repainted the with the colors of the Royal House of Dreemurr, and the Delta Rune Shield had been artfully sketched on the tail, just fore of the serial number. The helicopter hovered over the trio’s heads for a moment, before making a graceful landing in the gore; a familiar face jumped out before the aircraft actually hit the ground.

“Wahaha, you whippersnappers call for Justice,” the Hammer, wearing a flight helmet instead of his usual pith helmet hollered over the throaty thrum of the engine and the high pitched whistle of the rotors cutting through the air.

“Oi, ol’ man, what the hell you doing here,” Undyne hollered over the constant beating of the rotors, leaning on her spear.

“King Fluffybuns was concerned you youngins couldn’t handle squat. And Undyne, I thought you might be after the mailman again,” Gerson guffawed loudly, but it swiftly became a cough. The triumvirate headed for the helicopter: Undyne in the lead spear hefted across her back, its ultramarine glow looking greener than usual; Papyrus, bathed in a glow of orange and titian looking like the reaper himself; Alphys trailing apprehensively behind, carrying her laptop. As soon as they were all onboard, Undyne slid the door closed and gave Monster Kid the signal to take it up.

The interior of the aircraft was much more impressive than the exterior. There was ample seating behind the cockpit, brown leather benches replaced overused cloth; with enough room for six passengers. Though, the cockpit itself was the real gem, outfitted with with the latest in computer technology thanks to Alphys and Sans’ efforts. Most of the care put into the interior was all Monster Kid, he really cared about his baby, and it showed as the entire console glowed with his magic; a beautiful golden brown. The joystick had been replaced with foot pedals that gave the craft a nimbleness in the air that MK still, occasionally, lacked on the ground. The young pilot, handicapped though he may be; had upon their arrival on the surface, seen the sky and known somehow he had to soar among the clouds. When Frisk had been kind enough to share her books about aviation with him, there was no going back, he knew what he wanted to do with his life.

“Sure thing Boss Lady,” MK shouted over the engine’s din while using his foot to toss Undyne her headset, before once more ascending to the sky. Alphys had taken the shotgun position and was feeding the tracking data to the flight computer, before grabbing her own headset. Neither of the female monsters were realistically able to wear a flight helmet, though each of their male companions had one. Of course, Sans and the Ambassador each had their own, which were hanging above their vacant seats.  

“That armless kid is one hell of a pilot, is that the same lil weirdo that used to follow you everywhere, ‘Dyna,” the Hammer asked as soon as her headset was situated on her head.

“Cut the crap ol' man!  Squirt what’s the ETA?” Monster Kid circled the area where he had picked up his superiors and made sure to buzz the crowd of humans near the edge of the roadway.

“Thanks, I’ll take that as a compliment, ya crazy old dude, couple o’ shakes o’ the King’s tail if Alphys’ data is correct.” Undyne’s long arm reached forward to smack the youth hard in the head, through his helmet, his stunts and his mouth were going to get him into real trouble one day.

“Ow,” Monster Kid whined, shaking his head gently to clear the ringing in his ears.

“Any idea what type of rig I’m lookin’ for Boss Lady,” the young pilot asked.

“No idea Squirt, something big enough to hold a few humans, the Clown and the Punk.” Undyne offered, her voice loud, the headset ear pieces did little to muffle the engines reverberation, and it was about as helpful as she could be given the circumstances.

“DOUBTLESS, THERE ARE FEW CONVEYANCES HEADED IN THAT DIRECTION THIS TIME OF DAY,” Papyrus commented tightening his helmet, so he could better hear through the built in headset.

“I-I think t-that perhaps a camper or a v-van might be more likely than a pick-up,” Alphys suggested.

“A-Also, I s-should mention t-that Sans’ HP is h-holding at two point one six repeating.”

Papyrus said nothing, but he glared daggers at the back of Alphys’ head.

“Papy, c’mon let it go, we’re all friends here. Heck we’re the only friends we’ve got. ‘Sides the Punk says we’re a family,” Undyne stated hopefully.

“I WILL, LET IT GO, FOR THE SAKE OF FAMILY. IF YOU CAN GUARANTEE I SHALL NOT _EVER_ BE KEPT IN THE DARK AGAIN,” Papyrus said folding his arms. Undyne could never understand how he managed to look like a tetchy child and Lord Death at the same time. She reached over Gerson, who was sitting between them, and fearlessly passed her hand through his halo of magic to pat his knee comfortingly.

“Papy, I already promised that, but I will again if that’s what it takes to make you happy.” She paused a moment before proffering.

“You know that Punk thinks of you as a big brother, buddy.”

“YES, I AM AWARE,” Papyrus huffed gently.

“You are the _only_ one she thinks of that way. Sure, the King and Queen are her mum and dad, but at the end of the day who did she come to with her scraped knees, her good grades, her tadpoles and her secrets,” Undyne asked.

“ME,” Papyrus grinned down at his hands, and remembered holding a little girl who was more scabs than skin. One, who always seemed to be both sticky and muddy, was forever signing his name and climbing on his shoulders, or begging for a story.

“Hecks yeah, you! She’s as much your little sister as Sans is your younger brother,” Undyne gave him one of her big toothy grins.

“The rest of us are just a bunch of ol' aunts and uncles, or friends and acquaintances compared to you.”

“EXCEPT FOR SANS,” Papyrus said softly.

“That Nerd is a special case, with _serious_ special needs. Look, I don’t know how the punk feels about him yet, but I think it is pretty obvious how he feels,” Undyne chuckled.

“IS IT,” Papyrus asked awkwardly, slouching in his seat.

“Yes,” Alphys answered.

“Yeah, ” came the affirmative from MK.

“Geez, youngin’ even my old eyes can see that. The only one who don’t know it yet, is that slip of a girl.” Gerson looked up at Papyrus, wisdom sparkling in his eyes.

“MY BROTHER IS SUCH AN IDIOT,” Papyrus groaned, covering his face with his hands.

“Well, s-since it is just us here l-let me be the f-first to declare t-that I-I sh-ship it,” Alphys looked over her shoulder at Papyrus, sounding both nervous and a bit giddy.

“T-though, he should at least w-wait until she graduates high school, m-maybe college.”

“Well, I used to have a crush on her.” MK offered trying to sound brave.

“But... after seeing how your brother dotes on her, I know I can’t compete. Not that I’m scared of skelebruh or anything. Anyhow, I ship it too.” Undyne scrubbed her hand over her face, her cheeks greening slightly with an undisguised blush.

“Heck, I have a confession Ego; I ship it daily, quite possibly more often. Though, I agree with Alphy, the Punk needs to grow up a bit.”

“GOD HELP ME, I WISH TO SEND IT AS WELL,” Papyrus uttered from behind his hands.

“THOUGH, I TOLD HIM TO CALM DOWN, THAT THE HUMANS WOULD FROWN ON HIS INTEREST. MY BABY BONES _REALLY_ IS AN OBVIOUS IDIOT.” Papyrus shifted to look at each of his friends in turn, they were all smiling on him with understanding

“What the fresh hell are you all mailing? Doncha know ‘Dyna here will bite the mailman,” Gerson laughed.

“SHUT UP, OL’ MAN,” Undyne shouted.

“Though, I will say from experience that there is no fighting the heart. That little girl will have to turn him down, with as much frost as all the ice in Snowdin, before that rascal gives up; heck even then maybe he won’t,” the elder turtle monster continued to snicker.

“Look, if any of you mention this shipment business again,” Undyne threatened.

“I’ll send ya back to Hotland.”

“S-say w-who about w-what now,” Alphys queried.

“Anyway, like I was saying, we’re gonna have to do some serious chopper maintenance,” Monster Kid offered changing the subject.

“Y-yes, complete computer s-system overhaul, especially o-once everyone has t-their trackers.”

“PERHAPS, I CAN BE OF HELP WITH THE TRACKER IMPLEMENTATION,” Papyrus suggested.

“Y’all scared shitless o’ lil’ ol’, ‘Dyna? How did y’all even get these jobs,” Gerson wondered while he was by turns laughing and coughing.

“By God ol' man, again I say, SHUT UP,” Undyne groused.

“Alright enough of this crap, Squirt any sign of them?”

“No, not a blink Boss Lady, though we should be close,” the pilot grumbled, tapping the flight computer screen. Monster Kid banked a hard left bringing the craft closer to the tree line.

“Undyne, they’ve stopped moving,” Alphys shouted, and began typing furiously on her keyboard.

“Pinpointing location… they are just beyond the treeline. MK do you see a clearing where we can take this bird down?”

“I don’t think I can land her anywhere near here, sorry.”

“WHAT IF THEY PLAN ON EXECUTING THEM,” Papyrus’ magic flared at the thought. Where his brother’s magic was the cold and icy burn of the north wind, Papyrus’ magic was hot and passionate like a fiery Arrabbiata sauce which he could control with laser precision; a skill that had helped tremendously when training Sans in order to raise his HP. The glow of his magic filled the cabin of the helicopter, but did nothing more than warm the air slightly around the passengers.

“Woah, skeledude don’t heat up my engines,” MK teased, everyone knew that Papyrus was about as dangerous, to those he called family, as a warm summer breeze. Papyrus just rolled his eyes.

“I take back everythin’ I said, about this armless weirdo being a great pilot,” Gerson rudely gestured at MK’s back.

“You can eat it old dude, the hell I’m setting my baby down in this terrain; a vertical landing is risky anywhere, and this bird ain’t got the even keel of the newer models. We’ve only got the one chopper, and old she may be, but she still flies true. Anyhow, I ain’t taking the chance that even one of us gets dusted just ‘cus you’re afraid of a little walkabout.” Monster Kid continued to grumble under his breath about crazy old dudes. Alphys ignored him to address the elder Bones brother.

“P-Papyrus, I d-don’t think that is t-the case, I-I believe Sans and her Ladyship are perfectly safe. I am, however, getting some w-weird readings coming from Sans,” Alphys began typing again grumbling under her breath.

“IS HE INJURED? ALPHYS, PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY BROTHER.”

“C’mon babe, Papy’s right no more nerd speak, just give it to us in plain language,” Undyne was getting tired of surprises and dinner was starting to sound better and better.

“His HP is d-dropping to one then going up by half, so I have little doubt he’s been injured, yet each t-time it happens his HP is d-doubling. So, one, one and a half, one, three, one, six and so on. Like he is using magic before his HP can replenish,” the pretty, golden lizard monster answered.

“T-that is about as plain as I can be Undyne.” The fish woman’s face twisted in frustration.

“Why would that be happening, it doesn’t make sense. If Clown’s HP is dropping to one shouldn't he be slipping into a near coma state, just like any of us would? Are you telling me, he is slipping in and out of a coma?” Alphys shook her head, cleared her throat and turned in her seat to look at her friends behind her.

“A-as we are all now aware, S-Sans for most of his life lived with an HP of one, with possibly some d-distant d-decimal point after it; his HP often goes into infinite repeating d-decimals when it is low. While he possessed low HP, Sans was well known for two things: one, being extremely t-tired and two, overworking himself. While the latter was not as well known outside his family,” here she nodded to Papyrus, “it is true none the less.” Papyrus gave her a small smile and nodded back.

“I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE WHO TOOK CARE OF HIM,” Papyrus gave a solemn chuckle.

“I DO NOT KNOW WHEN OUR ROLES REVERSED. HE WAS SUCH A SMALL BEAN, SO FRAIL, I WAS SO AFRAID THAT HE WOULD NOT LIVE; I WAS… **_WE_ ** WERE ALONE AND DID NOT HAVE ANYONE. SO, WHEN HE WANTED TO HELP I ENCOURAGED HIM. I ALWAYS ADMONISH HIM FOR BEING LAZY, BUT I WAS… NO, I AM SO PROUD OF HIM. I NEVER QUESTIONED HOW HE DID IT.”

“Tell me about, it I spent months investigating rumors of an illegal hot dog stand,” Undyne scrunched her face in irritation.

“I have to admire the guy, because I never found it; I sure found Sans sleeping on duty a lot. I didn’t know he had all those jobs, I might have yelled at him less.”

“I-I t-think it is her, s-she may be the only reason he is alive right now… I-I have to check my notes. I h-have a, that is to say w-we found, w-well actually Sans found it and I dismissed it as a myth...” Alphys continued to mumble to herself and returned to her computer screen. Undyne was about to yell at her again when a shout came over the headset from MK.

“Boss Lady, I found a clearing, ya aren’t gonna like it though.”

“Squirt, tell me one thing about this **crapfest** of a day that I like, huh? So, where is it?” Undyne rubbed her hand over her forehead and then tugged her ponytail hard enough to make herself wince.

“Well, it’s about five clicks west of our current position.”

“PERMISSION TO RAPPEL DOWN DIRECTOR,” Papyrus was already undoing his seatbelt and reaching for a harness.

“Denied, we don’t know what the hell is going on down there, besides the dogs are on their way they can’t be that far behind us. With the racket this bird is making Sans knows we’re coming. Squirt, are you sure there is nothing closer?” Papyrus made a disgruntled face, but refastened his seatbelt and awaited further orders. So much was he the polar opposite of his brother, that more often than not he went against his instincts; when even now they burned within him, scorching his soul and demanding that he take action to protect what was his.   

“No way Boss Lady, we are in the foothills the way it is.”

“Damn it, MK this is not what I need to hear right now. Fine take us there,”Undyne

commanded and the monster pilot circled the trees once more before gaining altitude and banking toward the west. They had nearly reached their destination when Alphys broke their uneasy silence.

“Undyne, we have to go back, it’s Sans.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to... hell?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is based on the Undertale AU, SecuriTale created by the very talented tekitourabbit her amazing work can be found here: http://tekitourabbit.deviantart.com/  
> Undertale, related characters, and some words belong to the amazing Toby Fox
> 
> Lyrics from Iscariot are from the album Walk the Moon by Walk the Moon 
> 
> Two things about this AU:  
> First, Papyrus and Sans are age swapped (Papyrus is the elder.)  
> Second, Sans has more than one HP, more on that later; for now enjoy.
> 
> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqN0KrIKAJ0

* * *

Somewhere in the multiverse someone quipped:

I relish the fact that you’ve mustard up the strength to ketchup to me.

* * *

 

 

As his vision began to clear by fits and starts, Sans thought for a moment he had suffered permanent ocular damage, because there was an unpleasant darkening reddish-purple streak across his Lady’s left eye. Frisk was smiling up at him and though she looked determined her eyes were glazed with tears. Sans wanted so badly to caress her countenance, even if only to run a line of healing magic across her eye.

‘...perhaps she would allow me to heal her,’ he bit down on his tongue hard, with a broken arm and his magic spread so thin he could not even consider that option.

“...damn, i knew you weren’t alright my ladyship.” He turned back to the group frozen in place before him and tightened his grip. There were small gasps of pain as the kidnappers struggled against his magic.

“...welp, welp, welpy, welp, welp… ya know i’d a thought you’d be wise to the magic of **_THINGS_ ** that you’d like to destroy. ya see if ya move it’s gonna hurt… a lot, but if ya hold still there should be virtually no pain.” Sans frowned down at them and hoped he looked menacing, for the most part they were still fuzzy blobs of color and he really could not tell one from another. The sounds of the forest were suddenly drowned out by the rhythmic thrum of an aircraft. The thrum became a roar as a familiar sounding helicopter circled for what seemed like an approach.

“... ya know if yous guys are frightened of me,” Sans raised his voice to be heard over the tumult of disrupted air and roar of engines.

“...just wait until ya meet my big brother. o’course he won’t change much, but he also won’t take kindly to ya damaging the most important person in his life, and i don’t mean me.”  The promise of rescue by air was short lived, when the aircraft circled once more but the uproar was replaced by silence as the chopper headed away from them toward the setting sun. Sans glanced down at Frisk again, worry marring the smooth bone of his face; the bruise on her face was darkening rapidly. He did not allow the concern at the craft’s departure to enter his voice, however.

“...ya see, my elder brother has taken, AMBASSADOR FRISK DREEMURR, under his wing and welp he considers her family. heck, if there’s one thing ya should know about my brother it’s that ya DO NOT MESS with his family. so, i’m gonna ask ya this next question real slow and easy like, and one of ya is gonna answer me, or THERE IS GONNA BE HELL TO PAY.” Sans’ baritone which was usually sweet and lilting, despite his lazy grammar, became in that moment raspy and haunting. It was something out of Frisk’s half remembered nightmares when he asked.    

“N o w,  w h i c h  o n e  o f  y o u  d i r t y  d u d e s  i s  C a r l?” His voice and face became so frightening to her, especially with the odd color his magic had taken on, that Frisk pulled away from him and he faltered.

“...princess, i would neva...” Sans tried desperately to bolster his magical defences, but with each step Frisk took backward from him, he could feel his hold on the humans weaken.

*Sans do not...* His vision was clouding again and he could not make out the last portion of what her Ladyship was trying to tell him. He tried to focus on her blue eyes, but at that moment she looked away from him and to her would be kidnappers.

“...my lady… i… don’t understand. i can’t…” Sans tottered dangerously and his magic began to flicker like a guttering candle; wisps of light in a myriad of colors flowed away from his body. Suddenly, he could feel all of his injuries; the rush of pain as bone ground on bone and a ringing in his head overwhelmed his senses.  

“i do believe... i am falling… down,” Sans gasped and fell backward, as he lost the battle with gravity; a cloud of dust rose around him when he hit the soil.

“...forgive me my lady.”

“Sans, Sans you promised.” Frisk let go of her foolish, momentary fear and rushed to his side. The humans, meanwhile, attempted to scatter to the four winds, when his magic flickered and died releasing them.

“...neva, …hate… promises,” he murmured faintly. She took his large left hand in both of her smaller ones, and watched as his eyes began to close.

“You did promise and you may not close your eyes, for I do not accept your resignation at this time Agent Bones.” she breathed softly.

“... i’m tired.” Frisk Dreemurr, Ambassador of Monsters shook her head refusing his words.

“Keep your promise!”

“...i did, you’re... alive,” Sans could barely breathe, he could not remember a time when he had been in so much pain; he was ready for everything to stop.

“Do not be foolish, not that promise. I want my promise,” she clutched Sans’ bony hand more tightly; it felt thin and cool, two things she had never felt when holding his hand before. Silent tears rolled down Frisk’s face; she had always hidden her sobs since she was small, but her tears were not something she could control.

“...don’t cry... beautiful girl,” Sans wheezed, “...what… promise?” The young woman flushed, though he could not see it, she believed from the strain of so much speaking in one day. She too was tired, but refused to allow her dear friend to leave her.

“You said you would not let me go, not even if you were offered the world.” Sans scrunched his brow but not in pain, he was trying to remember when he had made such a promise and when it hit him he laughed despite the agony his ribs were in.

“...w-with tha… shoes,” those damned pink stilettos Alphys had given his Lady, were nothing but trouble. Though, when she was finally able to walk without aid her steps were so adorable; it was all he could think about for weeks after the event.

“I took you at your word Sans Bones, it was a promise,” she sounded very put out that he might have forgotten something, that while in retrospect was a little thing, was so obviously important to her.

“...i know kid,” he was struggling for each breath now; talking hurt, thinking hurt, breathing was torture, but holding her hands and hearing her voice was what he imagined heaven was like. If this was how he was going to going to go, it was not so bad.

“...sorry.”

“Do not apologize, keep your damn promise,” she shouted and swore at him; he was so shocked by this he opened his eyes, to look for those eyes the color of the sea reflecting the sky.

“...hey now… i-is that… any way for… a nice y-young lady… ta speak?”

“You have never lied to me my dear, do not start now,” she held his hand tighter and brought their joined hands to her chest, as she looked down at him. There they were, those eyes so blue, flecked with chips of emerald if you knew where to look. Tears filled them and spilled down pink cheeks onto his ruined shirt.

“Do not lie,” she begged.

“...ain’t a liar… kiddo... would i fibula,” he croaked when his voice cracked. She closed her eyes tightly, much to Sans disappointment, to him it looked like she was concentrating, trying to muster her strength, or determination.

“...frisk… whatcha doin’,” his voice was raspy, but he sounded slightly nervous.

“Shh, helping...” she scrunched her face more tightly and held his hand against her heart.

There was an odd hush around them, as if the world was waiting for something. The ringing in Sans head began to quiet, only to be replaced by a deep repetitive buzz; it took him a few moments to realise that it was an external sound and not in his head. The chopper was back, which meant that his Lady would be saved. Sans closed his eyes again prepared to breathe his last when a rough voice interrupted what he had assumed were his last moments.

“Captain Bones, we all agree you should get up sir,” Sans opened one eye to be met with the startling sapphire of Commander Doggo, inches from his face.

“...commander can’t ya see i’m dying… go away and stop calling me captain,” he groaned, closing his eye again; it took him a few heartbeats to realise that his breathing was coming much easier.

“You don’t smell like you’re dying Captain,” Dogaressa barked, “and we all agree on this.”

“...when don’t you agree with each other?” Sans was starting to feel like this was an odd way to die; meanwhile Frisk continued to hold his hand.

“We never agree about Lady Human Frisk,” Dogamy offered.

“...whaddya mean ya don’t agree about her ladyship,” the crazy dogs now had his full attention and he opened his eyes to look at them. There were several barks and quite a few growls, though they sounded further away, in response to his question.

“Lesser Dog and Greater Dog say, petting is better, but the rest of us like to play with her, Captain.” Commander Doggo sniffed his broken arm.

“Captain, we all agree you are injured.”

“...i coulda told ya that, and i woulda… except i’m not injured, i’m dying; so go away,” Sans closed his eyes again, and just hovered in the darkness of his own head listening to the thrum of the hovering helicopter, before it departed again.

“Anyone want to tell me why the Clown is laying in the dirt,” a familiar voice asked.

“The Captain says, he’s dying, Director,” Commander Doggo barked to his superior.

“Like hell, not on my watch! Get up nerd. Commander take your troops and go support Ego.”

“...where _is_ my brother, director?”

“What the heck do you think he’s doing, huh? Losing his mind over over there, because you are laying on the ground looking like week old crap; he’s also holding those damn humans in BLUE.”

“...oh,” Sans sighed and closed his eyes, if he was not dying maybe he could catch a nap; the forest floor was as good a place as any.

“Oh? OH? You two,” Undyne growled something unintelligible, “have given me the worst day I’ve had in months. Okay, actually it was pretty damn exciting, but still...” Frisk released Sans hand and he was disappointed until he realised she was saying something to the Director.

“Punk, I DO NOT want to hear your excuses, I don’t give a flying flip what that email said,” Undyne snarled angrily.

“Wait back up repeat that, I didn’t get it. Bombs? What bombs, why didn’t you tell anyone! These cowards are terrorists, why would you believe anything they say?” Sans sat up suddenly and grabbed Frisk’s shoulder while looking into her eyes.

“...they said bombs and you didn’t think to trust me… uh, um... us? we are here for you kid. to PROTECT you. what tha hell,” he looked into Frisk’s eyes one more time, before struggling to stand and looking around to see exactly where his brother was. Undyne reached down to help Sans to his feet and he nodded to her gratefully; he did not look at the Ambassador again. When he stood he bent forward resting his undamaged left arm on his femur, through pants his elder brother would most likely want destroyed. Taking a deep breath, Agent Bones took a few moments to get his bearings before standing at his full height again and walking unsteadily toward his brother; where the canine unit had headed moments before, and were now standing in a circle around the unsuccessful kidnappers. As he approached his brother, the air warmed considerably relieving much of the ache that remained in his body, and he could tell just by looking at Papyrus’ back that he was extremely vexed.

“...sir, agent bones reporting,” Sans watched the humans cringe at his voice, “...the target is secure.” His commanding officer gave him a very unbrotherly glance.

“YOUR APPEARANCE IS FAR BELOW THE STANDARDS SET BY THE DRESS CODE, AGENT BONES.”

“...i’m sorry sir, won’t happen again.”

“I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT, BROTHER.” The small group of humans, that had cowered before Sans not too long ago, were frozen is his elder brother’s magic. They looked tiny, helpless and scared when compared to his brother.

“WELL, MAKE YOUR REPORT. I HAVE A LOT TO DO BEFORE THIS DAY IS OVER, SOMEHOW: I HAVE TO MAKE DINNER FOR FIFTEEN PEOPLE, HOLD THESE… HUMANS UNTIL THE POLICE ARRIVE AND NO DOUBT WRITE YOUR REPORT.” Sans looked at his feet for a moment, as if they would provide some help in reporting to his stickler of a brother, before he took a halting step closer to Papyrus.

“...at approximately fifteen hundred fifty-five hours, i was… informed... of our ambassador’s departure from her secure vehicle; i gave chase… uh, in the usual manner. she managed to elude me and crawled into a three mile long culvert and i followed, regardless of receiving no direct orders. her ladyship was able to maneuver much more easily within the tunnel than i was, and managed to get a fair distance ahead of me.” Sans paused for breath and his brother gave a casual wave, with his unoccupied left hand, for him to continue.

“...despite my warnings the ambassador continued to run, i maintained radio contact for as long as possible until the comm cut out. i cast BLUE in an attempt to slow or stop our lady, but it was fruitless. the magic i expended did provide a partial map of the tunnel, however, so i attempted to… catch up... with her. my calculations appeared to be off and i sustained… minor injuries.” Papyrus looked his younger brother over, frowning at the so called minor injuries.

“SO I SEE… PRAY CONTINUE WITH YOUR REPORT.” Sans nodded, casting another glance at the humans in his brother’s thrall before continuing.

“...i did not check my stats, even though the handbook recommends an HP check after any injury… no matter how minor. anyhow, i lost sight of the ambassador, and assumed she had reached the opposite end of the tunnel. so, again i attempted to… uh... overtake her position, using my mnemonic, but there were four... unknown factors i was not expecting,” Sans nodded at the humans, but his brother sneered at them and tightened his control causing them to squeak.

“DID THESE UNKNOWNS, CAUSE ANY FURTHER INJURY?”

“...couple o’ broken ribs, sir… welp, maybe three or four,” Sans winced and then sighed; he was grateful that his brother was listening to his report, instead of forcing him to write it.

“...i was threatened, bagged and forced into their van, along with the ambassador. during that time her ladyship also... sustained minor injuries.”

“WHERE IS THE CONVEYANCE NOW?”

“...geeze ‘py...,” Papyrus coughed mildly, unamused, so Sans corrected his speech.

“...sorry, sir, i was just getting to that. i… uh destroyed it... welp, that is to say matter can’t really be destroyed just redistributed, right sir?”

“YOU ARE INDEED CORRECT, CARRY ON,” Papyrus said, sounding bored.

“...yeah, so that… action, uh... threw our captors into a state of confusion, and her ladyship managed to remove the head bag. i… um… observed her ladyship’s injuries and they are very minor; nothing an ice pack and a home cooked meal can’t fix. though, i do believe i… somehow, not really sure how,” he lied, one he hoped his brother would never catch him in.

“...frightened the ambassador. all i know is, i had the humans in BLUE one minute and the next minute ambassador dreemurr is backing away from me and… honestly sir, i-i don’t know what happened,” Sans paused and swallowed thickly. There was no way around it, he was going to have to tell his brother he had almost died. He could feel his brother watching him, it was making Sans nervous so much so that he would have jumped out of his skin, had he had any, when his brother spoke.

“SO, ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU WERE LAYING ON THE GROUND, SURROUNDED BY SEVERAL MEMBERS OF THE CANINE UNIT, WHEN THE DIRECTOR AND I ARRIVED, OR AM I TO VENTURE A GUESS?”

“...i was... dyin’.”

“YOU, **_THOUGHT_ ** , YOU WERE DYING,” Papyrus corrected sagely, shaking his head, disappointed his brother could make such an obvious mistake.

“...no ‘pyrus… i. was. dying. there was no thought involved, i saw my own dust.”

“DO NOT TELL ME SUCH A THING! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, THAT MY BROTHER, MY ONLY BABY BROTHER, WAS ON THE VERGE OF DEATH,” Papyrus huffed furiously, and once more increased his grip on the humans prone before him; causing them to struggle against his control, triggering pain in their bodies.

“FOOLISH CRIMINAL HUMANS, DID MY BROTHER NEGLECT TO EXPLAIN HOW OUR MAGIC WORKS? BE STILL OR IT WILL NOT BODE WELL FOR YOU.”

“...i did warn them sir, i do believe their opinion of us is so low that they can’t hear us.”

“Fuck you,” one of the humans spat. Papyrus opened his mouth to respond but his brother beat him to it.

“... you’d betta shut your mouth carl, or i’ll tell my brother what you did.”

“CARL, DID YOU HURT MY FAMILY,” Papyrus asked his voice was gentle, and he cocked his head looking directly at Carl the way a child might look at a small insect. He began to sing softly, so softly, that Sans was not sure he was hearing what he was hearing.

“Perhaps, I lack some foresight…

(Should... have... known...)

But, brother, you were so right…

Sure as the setting sun…

You can’t trust just anyone...”

“...holy shit, Papyrus don’t,” Sans shouted, but it was too late. Papyrus had peeled Carl away from the other kidnappers and was tossing him deftly in the air, ignoring his screams, just missing trees or the ground; depending on the direction Papyrus decided to toss Carl in. Undyne came running over, whether brought by Sans shout or the humans’ screams Sans did not know, with Frisk in tow; she was watching her protégé with a mix of fascination and glee gracing her face.

“Just, don’t damage him. The human authorities give us enough guff the way it is.” The Lady Frisk Dreemurr wrenched her arm from Undyne’s grip to stand in front of Papyrus, and began signing rapidly. Papyrus gave her a brief glance, but chose to ignore her; he instead said loud enough for everyone to hear.

“MY LADY, I AM SURE THAT MY BROTHER HAS INFORMED YOU, THAT THIS IS ALL ON YOU. IF YOU THINK FOR ONE MOMENT, THAT YOU HAVE ANY MORE SAY IN THE MATTER THAN THESE, WORTHLESS EXCUSES FOR HUMANS YOU ARE WRONG.” Papyrus paused for dramatic effect before continuing.

“YOU. ARE. SO. GROUNDED, LITTLE GIRL.” Frisk huffed, blowing her bangs up with her breath, and crossed her arms; it was obvious she would get nowhere trying to reason with the elder Bones brother. Sans shrugged and looked away from Frisk, saying nothing; he knew he had not even felt the brunt of his brother’s wrath, and honestly he had wanted to do much, much worse to the human, Carl.

“UNDYNE, KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON OUR RUNAWAY PRINCESS CAN YOU NOT? WE WOULD NOT WANT TO LOSE TRACK OF HER AGAIN,” Papyrus uttered, as calmly as if he were ordering tea at Muffet’s and not tossing a human in the air.

“Sure thing Papy,” then Undyne snarled, “come here little girl!” While grabbing Frisk’s arm and pulling her away; despite the Ambassador’s signed protests. Sans was watching his brother’s skill in putting Carl through the ringer, when his brother’s voice once more broke in on his thoughts or lack thereof.

“AGENT, YOU HAVE YET TO COMPLETE YOUR REPORT, PLEASE RESUME.”

“...welp, my magic kinda… di... um, quit on me and i thought the kidnappers got away.”

“LESSER AND GREATER DOG CAUGHT THEM IN THE TREES,” Papyrus shrugged as if it were a daily occurrence. The two mentioned dogs were watching the flying human, tails wagging, looking for all the world like they wanted to give chase.

“...oh,” Sans pondered his brother’s attitude, chalking up Papyrus’ lack of yelling to propriety for the sake of the humans; even if these humans were ones that he did not care for.

“...so, then her ladyship came and told me if i died i’d be breaking a promise. she yelled at me ‘py… sir, you would have been proud; she actually did a lot of speaking today. the ambassador was holding my hand,” Sans cheekbones colored a faint blue, “...she told me to be quiet… that she was was helping.” Sans lowered his voice before continuing.

“i WAS gonna die ‘pyrus, i could feel it, the beginning of the end. then the next thing i know, the commander was in my face telling me i didn’t smell like i was dying.”

“WELL, YOU ARE NOT DEAD. TO BE HONEST, EVERYTHING ALPHYS WAS GIVING US FROM THE TRACKERS WAS FREAKING ME OUT.” Sans looked sheepish and glanced at the ground again as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.

“...told you about ‘em, did she?”

“YES, THOUGH I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DID NOT. IN MY OPINION, THE TRACKER COMING ONLINE CAUSED THE MAJORITY OF YOUR INJURIES, NOT A… MISCALCULATION.”

“...probly… sorry papyrus, i’m an idiot.”

“YES YOU ARE,” Papyrus sighed.

“IN SPITE OF THAT, OR PERHAPS BECAUSE OF IT I STILL LOVE YOU, LITTLE BROTHER.”

“...thanks, i think.” Sans sat down and leaned against his brother’s left leg, much like he had done when he was just a baby bones, closing his eyes and listened to the sound of approaching sirens.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is available with visible fonts on my blog http://storytimewiththefrostqueen.blogspot.com/ also on http://jacqulyyn.deviantart.com/ and https://www.fanfiction.net/~furostomichan
> 
> PLEASE: Refrain from your desires to COPY, TRANSLATE or REDISTRIBUTE my work.  
> I have my own Wattpad account, if I want it posted there I will DO IT MYSELF.  
> When the story is completed I may accept requests for translation.
> 
> To those of you who have just come for a good read and fun please feel free to send me a PM if you see it posted anywhere other than the above locations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: This story is based on the Undertale AU, SecuriTale created by the very talented tekitourabbit her amazing work can be found here: http://tekitourabbit.deviantart.com/ 
> 
> Thanks to http://blueblurbabe.deviantart.com/ for suggesting I clarify Agent Sans Bones stats.  
> I hope Doctor Alphys and I do a good job.
> 
> Undertale, related characters, and some words belong to the amazing Toby Fox
> 
> Two things about this AU:  
> First, Papyrus and Sans are age swapped (Papyrus is the elder.)  
> Second, Sans has more than one HP, more on that later; for now enjoy.
> 
> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdPNCYj2MI0

* * *

Somewhere in the multiverse there are still:

Antianeirai

* * *

 

 

When the police finally arrived, Sans had fallen into such a deep healing sleep, that he was unaware that his elder brother was cradling him, in arms as unashamed of holding Sans now as when was small. Papyrus had been in general ignoring the arrests of the attempted kidnappers; in favor of the soothing action of gently stroking his brother’s back, from time to time. Undyne, meanwhile gave all the information they had to the Detective Inspector Romanus, who was their police liaison and head of Mount Ebott Police’s Hate Crimes Unit.

“Director Undyne, you have to understand my delicate position, you can’t just let your boys go vigilante on a few of my suspects, regardless of their diplomatic status,” the tall officer stated.

“Detective Inspector, I don’t think you understand my delicate position. While our citizens trust Ambassador Dreemurr, they simply want to live peacefully in the above ground; they still fear what humanity can do and has done to them. And regardless of their diplomatic status, the Agents Bones’ actions were above reproach. Why don’t you speak with Papy, he was the second agent on the scene.”

Undyne walked over to where Papyrus was standing, leaning against the open back of the SUV Jerry had managed to bring up the mountain, and the Detective followed her. Alphys was sitting just inside the open doors of the SUV, holding an icepack to Ambassador Frisk Dreemurr’s eye. The Canine Unit, having given up their prisoners, were currently playing their favorite game in the nearby grass; a game they dubbed ‘Ditch Jerry.’  

“Papy, will you please tell the Detective it was self defense?”

“GOOD EVENING DETECTIVE INSPECTOR, IT WAS SELF DEFENSE,” Papyrus said looking the Detective in the eye. None of them had ever met a human quite so tall as any monster, but Detective Anna Romanus came pretty close; it was not a wonder her colleagues called her the Amazon. Many of her colleagues believed her unusual stature was the reason she was assigned to deal with monsters; none of them knew she had actually requested the assignment.

“Good Evening to you too, Deputy Director, and you know bloody well I am going to need some proof.” Anna genuinely liked working with monsters, it was nice to feel short for once; before working with them the only person she had ever met taller than herself was her mother.

“ALPHYS, SHOW THE DETECTIVE INSPECTOR HER LADYSHIP’S EYE.” Alphys obliged, pulling the ice pack away and the Detective whistled.

“That is going to be a hell of a shiner Ambassador, but it’ll be your word against theirs. You’ll have to give me more, and I’d like to speak to the first Agent on the scene.” Alphys returned the ice pack to Frisk’s eye and Frisk hissed sharply, then signed something to Alphys which made the scientist shake her head.

“DETECTIVE INSPECTOR, WE HAVE RECOVERED E-MAILS AND TEXTS FROM OUR AMBASSADOR’S PHONE DESPITE THE SEVERE DAMAGE IT SUSTAINED. AS TO SPEAKING TO THE FIRST AGENT, THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE AT THIS TIME.”

“Why the bloody hell not?”

“BECAUSE, MY BROTHER WAS THE FIRST ON SCENE, AND HIS INJURIES AND NEAR DEATH ARE GOING TO MAKE IT DIFFICULT TO SPEAK WITH HIM.” While saying this, Papyrus tenderly unfolded his sibling in his arms; revealing Sans damaged face and arm. Sans stirred for a moment, shivering, before settling once more; his brow was slicked with sweat, and his magic flickered with each breath; only to calm when Papyrus lightly passed a free hand over the younger’s eyes.

“AS YOU CAN SEE, DETECTIVE INSPECTOR, MY BROTHER’S INJURIES ARE QUITE SEVERE, AND EVEN SO HE MANAGED TO GIVE A FULL REPORT BEFORE HE SURRENDERED TO FATIGUE,” Papyrus uttered, as he carefully returned Sans to a more comfortable position.

“I buy extremely severe injuries, but you are going to need hard evidence of near death,” DI Romanus’ voice held a note of doubt, she wondered if they could really prove near death. Even proving death could be difficult for monsters, since they did not die like humans; though they were a lot harder to kill.

“I believe Alphys can provide that,” Undyne interjected. Alphys took Frisk’s hand and replacing her own hand with the young human’s, to hold the ice pack, reached for her laptop.

“Y-yes I can, i-in a way, A-Agents Papyrus and Sans, and the Ambassador are part of a-an experimental tracking program. It was c-created by Agent Sans and m-myself specifically to track s-soul energy.”

“Sounds like science fiction, the real test will be if the data holds up in court,” the Detective Inspector ran a hand through her curls absently.

“Care to show me an example?”

“I-I don’t know, Agent S-Sans has been k-keeping it pretty hush-hush,” Alphys replied nervously.

“Well, can you at least explain how you know the younger Agent Bones was, near death?” Alphys nodded slowly, looking up at the unusually tall human, before entering a few keystrokes into her computer.

“A-Agent Sans injuries showed up i-in my data, as a sharp decline in HP. Many of us w-were worried that he was in f-fact already unconscious. T-that was not the case, however, as Agent Sans possesses a u-unique and, I-I’m sorry Detective, classified physiology. He was i-in fact functioning normally and continued to sustain highly damaging injuries. H-he was even able to heal himself s-somewhat, though I only have a hypothesis as to how, until he... d-died.”

“Died? I thought all of you were saying nearly. Doctor Alphys, you are still not providing me with hard data,” the lanky woman complained.

“Look, I want to be able to do my job and protect your community, but you lot have to be willing to bloody walk with me. I know you need to keep your Agent’s personal data private. I for one wouldn’t want my private life in the papers, but can’t you give me some numbers?”

“T-that’s just it I-I can’t,” Alphys held up her hands in a placating gesture. Papyrus and Undyne looked on still shell shocked, themselves, by what Alphys had attempted to explain about Sans near, or rather actual death.

“Why the hell not, Doctor? And don’t give me that classified crap,” Anna’s amber eyes flashed angrily, creating the illusion that she might be possessed of magic.

“I-I can’t, because at seventeen hundred twenty-two and thirty-six seconds Agent Sans Bones for exactly four minutes ceased to exist, he had f-fallen down. H-he was dust for that entire time, h-he should in fact not be in his brother’s arms right now,” Alphys looked nervously over at Papyrus, who appeared to hold a gentle countenance, yet gave the scientist a cursory glimpse of the fires of hell, burning within his right eye. Frisk began shaking her head, but before the DI could notice Papyrus had turned his eye on her and she was still once more.

“N-not that w-we are not g-glad that he is alive. I-I for one a-am very glad, h-he is a j-joy to w-work with.”

“How the… that isn’t bloody possible,” Romanus asked.

“There has never been a known case of a monster keeping body and soul together. Once it begins there are no stopgaps.” Alphys looked away, when the giant of a woman mentioned the possibility of a monster surviving falling down.

“Does it have to do with the younger Agent Bones, unique and classified physiology?”

“I-it may,” the golden lizard monster muttered, looking at her hands.

“H-however until he wakes up I-I won’t be able to answer that, I-I’ll need to speak with him. Again I o-only have a hypothesis.”

“Well, that is just bloody wonderful,” the Detective crossed her arms on her chest.

“I suppose you are going to tell me, that you can’t tell me when that will be.” Before Alphys could answer Undyne interjected.

“We don’t know… we don’t even know if he will ever wake up.” Papyrus mumbled something under his breath, and Undyne gave him a sharp look. Anna’s face did not reveal whether she had heard Papyrus or not, but she glanced toward Papyrus sympathetically. Alphys looked slightly crestfallen, revealing she had heard exactly what the elder Bones had said, and Lady Dreemurr’s mouth formed an ‘ **_O_ ** ’ indicating that she had heard Papyrus’ words as well.     

“Monsters, don’t go into comas, your people as a whole only have two states alive or fallen. A rookie could tell you that,” Detective Inspector Anna Romanus was definitely not a rookie.

“DETECTIVE INSPECTOR, MY BROTHER IS UNIQUE IN ALL THE WORLD; HE DID NOT DIE. WHICH MEANS HE WILL WAKE UP.” Papyrus looked like a fellow without a doubt in the world, and Anna was inclined to believe him.

“Come on Anna, let’s cut the formal BS, can I take my people home?” Undyne was done, she officially needed a good night’s rest; especially since her adrenaline high was wearing off. The Director looked to each of her people and was sure they felt the same, except maybe Papyrus; she doubted he would sleep much until Sans woke up.

“Okay Undyne, okay. I just have one more question, this one is for the Ambassador. I know as a diplomat she doesn’t have to answer it, but it would help the bloody investigation,” Romanus sounded tired, she knew damn well she would not see her bed tonight.

“Alright, if her Ladyship can answer it she will. You know we are willing to walk with you Anna, to a point.” The Detective Inspector nodded, she knew they needed their state secrets despite their awkward position of being foreigners in what should be their homeland.

“Thank you Director,” Anna turned her attention to Frisk, “Ambassador Frisk Dreemurr, can you tell me why, at fifteen hundred forty-eight this afternoon, you ran from your security detail… your family? You know the press is going to ask and most likely make wild speculations, but if I have it in your Ladyship’s own words; perhaps I can keep the press away for a few days.” Frisk looked from Undyne to Papyrus and was given murmurs of approval from both parties. The young woman then took a deep breath, set down the ice pack and brought her hands up to speak; only to remember that the Detective would not understand her unless she vocalized her answer, so she placed her hands in her lap. All eyes were on her, and Frisk felt more nervous now than she had in the clutches of her kidnappers. Without Sans to help her, she became nervous and her nerves caused her stutter to make itself known.

“My -I b -began receiving e -e -emails from a b -blocked e -e -email account nine days ago.” Papyrus growled when he heard this, the lack of trust from her Ladyship cut deeply; he was glad his brother was unconscious. Frisk’s face reddened with shame, but she with continued her answer.

“I ig -ig -ignored and deleted the cor -res -respondence at f -first.” Her Ladyship shook her head in frustration as her stutter continued to slow down her response and prolong the time she spent speaking; she had spoken more today than she had in the last few weeks and it was draining her.  “Th -th -then the emails became more th -th -threatening. Th -th -they cl -claimed that there were bombs p -planted: at the joint human and mo -monster school, in the embassy, at the l -laboratory, in the shops of Temmie, Grillby and Mu -Muffet, at my parent’s re -residence and in the home I share with I -my guardians.” The girl shrugged and wrung her hands anxiously, speaking was beginning to hurt. Papyrus looked at her with little sympathy, and she knew that he was right when she looked at him; a sore throat was the least she deserved for all of the trouble she had caused.

“Wh -wh -when they offered me a trade. I- my person for the promise of disarming the explosives, with the c -c -caveat that I told no one; not I -my guards, my f -family or the police. I ag -ag -agreed, because my job is to serve the monster co -community. I ha -ha -have de -de -dedicated my life to that and if I could give my l-life to save just one; I would do it and gl -gladly.”  Frisk looked down momentarily, refusing to let her speech impediment cripple her, before holding her head regally and looking Anna right in the eyes.

“I re -re -realise now this was a m -m -mistake, but I -my f -fear for my f -friends’ lives and those of I -my f -family overrode reason. I am willing to accept the con -con -consequences of my actions, and I have no way to express my so -so -sorrow that Agent Bones had to suffer any h -harm, because of my lack of l -logic. Ne -ne -neither of the Agents Bones may ever accept I -my ap -ap -apologies, or t -trust me again, but in my heart I b -b -believed I was protecting them; that I was pro -pro -protecting e -e -everyone.” Detective Inspector Anna Romanus shook her head sadly.

“Ambassador, I understand that you were afraid, but if you had come to your protectors, any of them, they could have contacted me. I too am here for your community and yourself Ladyship. Bomb threats are no joke, I believe even Sans would agree with that. I will be sending the bomb squad to the school and the embassy tonight.” Anna sighed tiredly.

“I assume that Doctor Alphys has already scanned your private residences, the laboratory and both public buildings, but I have superiors to answer to as well. This will give them and the community as a whole piece of mind. Now, one more question for the Ambassador, if you will permit me, Undyne? Papyrus?” The Director and the Deputy Director both nodded their assent.

“Ladyship, why did you jump from the car where you did?” At Anna’s question, Frisk’s eyes widened in surprised and her face colored further.

“The e -e -emails told me exactly where to jump. It -they -the e -e -emails gave me f -further e -e -evidence that the th -th -threats were genuine.” Her ladyship shook her head and bit her tongue, talking was so much easier when Sans was there. Though he was present now, his lost consciousness made it seem as though he were far away. Frisk’s face turned into a pout, she wanted him to wake up and yell at her; even if he were angry forever at least he would be there. Papyrus frowned at her Ladyship, as though he knew where her mind was going.

‘Why has he passed out anyway,’ her mind railed, ‘he was fine just a half-hour ago.’ Frisk returned her attention back to Detective Inspector Anna Romanus and avoided looking at the elder Bones.

“The l -l -location is along one of seven r -rotating r -routes we use to and from our residence. The r -r -routes are chosen the e -e -evening before by Agent Sans Bones; he has the list on a d -d -dartboard.” The Detective chuckled mildly.

“Well that’s one way to bloody do it. So, that gives me two things: the suspects have been watching you all for a long time, and they or at least one of their party knows the Ambassador well enough to know how to manipulate her ideals.” Lady Dreemurr gasped.

“The gentleman is an a -a -acquaintance of mine?” DI Romanus studied Frisk’s face for a long moment before replying.

“What makes you think the perpetrator is a man,” the Detective queried.

“O- oh, it was something the people in the v -v -van said. ‘ _Carl_ you dumbass don’t wreck the merchandise. HE believes she can be reeducated.’ and th -th -they also said ‘Once you have been reconditioned, we will be your friends.” I do not b -b -believe I would care for such f -friends.” Frisk looked toward the setting sun before completing her answer, and hoped she would have to speak no more this day.

“Th -th -that is not to say my -I dislike humans, th -there are many humans I have made f -friends with, however I f -found those p -particular humans v -v -very… unloveable. I -is that wrong Papyrus?” She looked to her elder guardian and while he was still quite angry with her, she was as dear to him as his own brother. So, he shook his head and gave her a small smile.

“NO MY LADY, THEY WERE QUITE CRIMINAL IN THEIR ACTIONS. NO DOUBT, THE DETECTIVE INSPECTOR WILL FIND A GREAT DEAL OF EVIDENCE POINTING TO THIS FACT.” Papyrus then turned to the Inspector and gave him a wry grin.

“DETECTIVE INSPECTOR, IF YOU ARE DONE WITH YOUR QUESTIONS I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE MY FAMILY HOME. I HAVE PROMISED DINNER TO A GREAT MANY TONIGHT. THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A GROSS OVERSIGHT ON MY PART, BUT I AM NOTHING IF NOT A MONSTER OF MY WORD.” Undyne whistled to catch the attention of the dogs and Jerry alike.

“C’mon nerds let’s get the Punk the heck outta here, we still have to get the other truck. Papyrus is still feeling generous and is making dinner!” There were barks and cheers in response as the group made their way toward the SUV. Jerry took shotgun, Alphys and Frisk took seats behind the front seats, and Papyrus took the spacious back seat where he could cushion and shelter his injured brother in comfort. The Canine Unit shut the doors and Detective Inspector Anna Romanus looked on in wonder as they took up point positions outside the rear of the van.

“You lot aren’t riding?” Commander Doggo and the rest gave big toothy dog grins, with varying degrees of tongue lolling.

“Heck no Detective Human Romanus,” Commander Doggo answered.

“If we chase we have fun and protect our best human the Lady Frisk Human. Beside, Deputy Director Bones promised fried tennis balls if we would follow, and we all agree that is a good offer.” The dogs barked at each other, apparently agreeing with one another, and Anna gave them a salute as the vehicle peeled out and they followed behind continuing to bark.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "...welcome to my private hell."
> 
> Chapter songs: Part the first- (beginning)Near Light - Ólafur Arnalds  
> (end)The Scientist - Coldplay
> 
> Part the second- (beginning) Control - Halsey  
> (end) So Close (ft. Arnor Dan) - Ólafur Arnalds

* * *

Chapter 9

**_Part the First_ **

Somewhere in the multiverse:

The Younger Boy, Forever Asking ‘Who is Like JUSTICE,’ Sat Alone in the Dark

 

When they returned to the other vehicle the press was waiting for them, Undyne and the Canine Unit tried to keep them at bay. Stringers and journalists, snapping photos and video for the late newsfeed, forced themselves dangerously close to her Ladyship and even more so to the Bones Brothers. Jerry even tried his best to help, using his long arms to shield Papyrus, and his precious cargo from the press of the crowd of reporters. All the monsters present could tell that Papyrus was walking the tightrope of his control, and he might lash out if anyone laid so much so much as a finger on his brother. Finally, with the dogs snapping and Undyne yelling they managed to get the brothers and their Lady into the other vehicle. The paparazzi gave chase, like hungry wolves after a wounded elk, but luck was on their side and they reached the Bones brothers’ home and pulled both vehicles into the spacious garage before the story hungry humans could catch up. Not long after, Detective Romanus’ promised help arrived, in the form of four uniformed officers, to keep the press off their lawn and out of Papyrus’ manicured flowerbeds. Though he was loathe to leave his brother for even a moment, Papyrus was indeed a monster of his word and as promised he cooked enough to feed an army. While family, friends and Jerry ate a lovely, though hastily put together spaghetti dinner; Sans slept. Papyrus was ever near though, bathing his brother’s brow and adding or removing blankets. Yet, he somehow managed to be a perfect host and tend to his hungry, but quiet guests. When they left, he ensconced himself in Sans room where he could better watch over his younger brother. Frisk thought she could hear Papyrus singing as she drifted into slumber.

The first day, Lady Frisk Dreemurr was kept on total lockdown. She was not even allowed to open a window, which was probably wise due to the persistence of the newshounds, let alone visit Sans. Since meeting the brothers she had never gone more than a few minutes, as far as she could remember, without seeing one or the other; Frisk had never felt so lonely. Sans slept and Papyrus was constantly in and out of his brother’s room, keeping a close eye on both Frisk and his sibling. The elder Bones ate very little at breakfast, even less at lunch, and almost nothing for dinner. The Ambassador was mildly concerned, but believed Papyrus knew best so she held her peace.  When Sans had nearly slept through the first twenty-four hours plus the five he slept the first night, Doctor Alphys became anxious. When the Doctor stopped by that evening, she insisted that Papyrus bring Sans to the lab where he could be properly monitored. Papyrus argued with Alphys, but he no longer seemed angry with her; in the end he politely threw her out. The elder Bones sent her Ladyship to an early slumber, but he shunned his own repose in order to watch over his little brother.

Wednesday, Sans sleep was fitful and Papyrus hardly left his brother’s side at all. Frisk meanwhile, was confined to her room once more and only allowed to leave to eat, or use the bathroom; again she was forbidden from seeing Sans and now she hardly saw Papyrus either. Frisk spent her day staring at a Calculus problem; her mind slipping into an anesthetic blank. Undyne invited herself over that evening to check on them, and insisted that Papyrus reconsider Alphys’ offer; promising that he could stay by his brother’s side at the lab, just as well as he could at their home. Undyne even offered to watch over her Ladyship, while he cared for his brother. Papyrus again declined, instead he railed at her and told her to go home; if he wanted help he would call for it he said. Fifty-three hours had passed; again, Papyrus did not sleep.

On the morning of the third day Sans was more feverish than before. The young monster’s magic flickered wildly, and he cried out unintelligibly in his sleep. Papyrus was forced to create a magical shield around his brother’s room, to protect their home from the random bolts of erratic magic. Frisk was allowed into the kitchen to cook for them both, but Papyrus never came to eat. The elder Bones only spoke with Frisk briefly, warning her away from Sans and the room where he slept. Queen Toriel, who had sent the King alone to the meeting with the UN, came by at sunset with both a Snail Pie and a Butterscotch-Cinnamon one. Frisk ate politely with her mother, and when the Queen asked her daughter if she had seen Papyrus at all that day; the girl indicated she had once. Toriel asked her if she wanted to come home for a while, but Frisk declined. The girl insisted that she needed to be here when Sans woke, so her mother acquiesced. Later, when Papyrus still did not come out for dinner she knocked on the door, and set a tray with a plate of both kinds of pie outside along with a mug of tea. Watching over his brother Papyrus refused to give up; he believed with all his soul that Sans would wake. Once more, Papyrus sought no rest.

When Frisk awoke on the fourth day, the tray she had put outside the door the night before was untouched. She called out to Papyrus, but he did not come. She knocked and fear welled up inside her. Had Papyrus reconsidered and taken Sans to the lab? Frisk thought not, Papyrus would have told her and either Undyne, or her mother would be here. Had Sans woken, were the brothers even now in the kitchen arguing and teasing as was their wont? The Ambassador walked to the railing and listened for any sound from the kitchen, but there was nothing; only the sound of her bare feet on the carpet. She walked back to Sans’ door and knocked again louder this time, calling for both brothers as tears ran down her cheeks and wondered if she were having a nightmare. Nobody came. Where were they? Had Sans… had he? She began to pound on the door with both of her fists, still no one came. Gasping for breath she called and called, kicking and battering at the door. After a long while, a tired and disheveled Papyrus opened the door and stepped out, shutting it quickly behind him, giving the Lady Dreemurr not even a brief glance inside. Instead, he gently stroked her hair, picked her up in his arms and cuddled her close. When Frisk began to speak he shushed her and held her more tightly, before bending to pick-up the dishes from the night before; he walked down to the kitchen and set the tray near the sink. Papyrus sat for a long while and said nothing, he just held Frisk close, as though he might lose her too and she embraced him in return. Finally, he set the  girl down, and she made him a cup of coffee and some toast. Papyrus mumbled to himself between sips and bites, though the Ambassador could not understand what he was saying and she indicated to him that she did not. He however, shook his head and said nothing more, but rose upon finishing his coffee and returned once more to Sans’ room; locking the door behind himself. Frisk later brought lunch, which went untouched, and she collected it when she brought dinner in the evening. The young woman worried that Papyrus might run out of energy, but that was something she had never seen happen.

Saturday’s joy mocked the Bones’ household. The day was sunny and bright, a perfect day for going for a walk to Muffet’s, for a cup of tea and a treat with your two best friends. Sadly, for Frisk and the Bones brothers, that did not happen. Frisk Dreemurr spent the fifth day watching the sun as it moved across the sky, from the confines of the house, listening to the song of birds on the wing. She spent her time in the kitchen, eating little, or the living room, being as quiet as possible and hoping against hope that Sans would wake today. As the sun set, with shades of red and gold, she heard a door open upstairs and she ran praying that Papyrus would give her good news. But, when she reached the landing, Papyrus turned to look at her shaking his head before he disappeared into the bathroom to take his first shower in six days. Frisk sat, halfway up the stairs, and hugged her knees and silently cried herself to sleep.

Frisk awoke, in her bed, to the roar of thunder on the sixth day; she could only assume that Papyrus had carried her there sometime in the night. Once more she thought could hear Papyrus’ voice faintly through the walls, yet again she struggled to make out the words; over the staccato of rain on roof and window glass. She thought she heard Papyrus say Sans’ name but she could not be sure, and the voice of the thunder was not making it easy to eavesdrop. The young woman shivered as lightening streaked across the sky and she decided to forgo getting dressed and instead put on a fluffy lavender robe over her nightgown. She opened her door as quietly as possible and when thunder rumbled again she ran down the hall and stopped in front of Sans’ door to listen. Frisk pressed her ear against the door and strained to hear anything, but there was only silence. When suddenly, there was loud banging from downstairs, followed by another loud tintinnabulation of thunder; the combined sounds caused Frisk to jump, tripping on her nightgown and falling hard against the doorframe, before landing on her pride. A moment later Papyrus opened his brother’s bedroom door, to find a blushing diplomat in an undignified position and to hear pounding coming from the front entryway. Papyrus helped his Lady to her feet and together they went to answer, before whomever was there battered down their protection from the outside world. It was simply Bob, looking harried and windswept, delivering a replacement phone for her Ladyship. The poor Temmie family member was overworked, without the Agents Bones at the embassy to ease some of his burden, he expressed his condolences and concerns before returning to his duties. The new mobile was discarded on the kitchen table, and once more Frisk attempted to ply Papyrus with food and offered him a glass of milk. The elder Bones ignored the proffered food, but drank the milk like a man who had spent weeks in the desert; then took three more glasses, emptying the carton, before returning to tend to his brother once more. Her Ladyship was again left to her own devices, so she ate Papyrus’ ignored cold spaghetti sandwich; after which she returned to her room, to struggle with the same Calculus problem she had been working on for seven days. As the sun’s light faded from view, Frisk fell into a fitful slumber at her desk.

Monday was cool and dreary. Frisk’s back cracked when she rose from her desk glancing at her unslept in bed; Papyrus had not checked on her, it was becoming the new normal to wake without his cheerful shouting. It had been seven days since the Ambassador had visited her office; without her routine she felt like a ghost in her own body, misty and hollow. She was beginning to loose hope, her best friend still slumbered and it seemed that he would do so forever; Frisk missed his jokes. Once dressed, Frisk lay on the the living room floor, with only the day’s dim light showing through the curtains, listening to music; enjoying that time honored ghost tradition of feeling like garbage and becoming one with the cosmos. How long she reclined thus her Ladyship did not know, the sun did not show his face, choosing instead to hide in the skirts of his mother’s clouds. She blinked once, twice, Papyrus was standing above her. How long had he been there she wondered. The elder Agent looked all wrong, his bones were an ashy gray and there were dark circles under his eye sockets; he looked as if his energy was nearly gone. That was impossible Frisk thought, The Great Papyrus was made of boundless energy; fueled by love, bravery and home cooked spaghetti. She blinked up at him from the floor again, and considered taking a peek at her guardian’s HP, when he gave her THE LOOK; the one that meant ‘do not dare little girl.’ Instead she offered him dinner, by way of signing, and Papyrus nodded running his hand weakly over his skull. The Elder Bones ate little as Frisk watched him, he nudged her gently urging her Ladyship to eat, and the two ate in silence as the light faded from the sky.

The eighth day dawned just like the previous; the lack of light was almost soul-destroying and the thick clouds promised rain, yet offered none. Frisk took one look out of her bedroom window, and promptly covered her head with the blankets once more. The girl felt like one more day of silence would drive her mad; she would give anything for everything to go back to normal, for this to be a horrifying nightmare. Her Ladyship lay cocooned in her quilt signing to herself ‘without,’ over and over. It was true, right now she was without many things: her routine, laughter, and the sense of security that came with all she was accustomed to. Most of all, she was without her dearest companion and first friend in all the world. Frisk wished so badly that she could take it all back. While Frisk was hiding in her blankets, Papyrus held his phone in his hand, contemplating the contact on the screen. He did not think he could make it through more than two days before his energy gave out completely. He wondered if Alphys’ offer was so bad. After all, Undyne had offered to help and perhaps he could take another shower, and finally get some HP replenishing sleep. Uncontrolled, Sans’ magic was so dangerous not because of the power of the attack, that was so weak as to be _almost_ laughable, however, the unusual, rare karmic effect that followed a hit burned like a slow, cold fire through to the soul; making it near impossible, over time, to maintain even the highest HP. Papyrus felt he had been doing well, perhaps even better than most, because his brother’s magic was, for lack of a better word, familiar; there was a sameness between the Bones siblings’ magics. Conceivably it was why, despite his weakened state, Papyrus’ shield was still holding. Deputy Director Papyrus Saraph Bones sat near his younger brother, locking and unlocking his mobile almost rhythmically, nervously. What he was waiting for he did not know, something was preventing him from calling Alphys, a tingle on the edge of his HP.

“PAPYRUS, PAPYRUS,” Sans suddenly screamed his brother’s name in the silent room; the terror in his voice made Papyrus’ soul stutter. Papyrus dropped his phone to the floor in shock and placed his hand on his brother’s brow, calling to the younger. Sans’ magic flared wildly once more, burning the elder Bones. Papyrus hissed in pain, but did not remove his hand.

“SHH, SANS, I AM HERE. ‘PYRUS IS HERE BABY BONES.”

“...’pyrus, please, PLEASE come and find me,” Papyrus had never heard his brother sound so fearful, or so lost. The elder Bones did the only thing he could, he gathered his brother into his arms and spoke to him gently.

“SANS, YOU KNOW I WILL ALWAYS LOOK FOR YOU. DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME YOU WENT INTO SNOWDIN FOREST ALONE? YOU WERE SO LITTLE…” Sans began to struggle in his brother’s arms, yet Papyrus refused to let him go. Instead the elder clutched the younger Bones tighter and Papyrus pressed his forehead to his brother’s.

“I WAS SO WORRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO FRAIL. I FOUND YOU PLAYING BY THE DOOR IN THE FOREST. DO YOU REMEMBER?”

“...’pyrus… please.” Papyrus had never felt more helpless, as he listened to Sans pleading in unbearable agony. He clutched his brother to himself, as if Sans was the only thing anchoring him to the world. For the first time in eight days his brother was speaking, and all Papyrus wanted was his little brother to answer back; so he resumed his story.

“YOU TOLD ME THERE WAS A LADY BEHIND THE DOOR, ONE WHO TOLD THE BEST JOKES. I DID NOT BELIEVE YOU. THOUGH, YOU HAD NEVER LIED TO ME. I NEVER APOLOGISED, FOR THAT I WAS WRONG. I WAS JUST SO, SO FURIOUS WITH YOU, BECAUSE IT WAS DARK WHEN I FOUND YOU. sANS YOU CRIED, DO YOU REMEMBER, NOT BECAUSE I YELLED OR PUNISHED YOU. NO, YOU CRIED BECAUSE I DID NOT BELIEVE YOU ABOUT THE LADY. THEN YOU WERE ANGRY WITH ME. SO, ANGRY… IT WAS THE FIRST TIME YOU WERE ANGRY WITH ME. DO YOU REMEMBER? YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER, I FOUND YOU… I FOUND YOU.” Papyrus voice cracked with emotion, and his words died inside his throat. The room was silent except for Sans’ labored breathing. The elder Bones swallowed hard and finally found his voice.   

“SANS, SWEET BABY BONES. SANS, ‘PYRUS IS HERE,” Papyrus sobbed, then whispered, “I am right here.”

“...’pyrus, help me.”

“SANS. DO NOT CRY, BABY BONES.”

“...papyrus, it’s so dark… please.”

“SANS, CAN YOU HEAR ME? I AM HERE, COME ON BABY BONES, OPEN YOUR EYES.”

 

      

* * *

**_Part the Second_ **

Somewhere in the multiverse:

The Elder Boy, the Burning One, Slept Not at All

Though later, Sans would argue he never slept; sleep he did for eight long days. At first his mind forced him relive the three mile trek through the culvert, over and over. He called out for Frisk, and ran into the wall again and again. Feeling his arm break repeatedly and his eye socket shatter what felt like a thousand upon a thousand times, as he tried futilely to calculate and recalculate his trajectory properly, only to fail time after time. How many times did he watch his Lady disappear from sight? Ten-thousand, one-hundred thousand while fear overtook him; here there was no adrenaline to keep the fear at bay. Then he was shot out of the end of the tunnel more times than he could count, pinned to the ground and kicked until his ribs felt as if they had become fine powder. Sans was head baged ad infinitum and endlessly tossed, bodily onto the cold metal floor of the van. Forced to used his magic to the breaking point and almost defeat his enemies, only to watch as fear filled the eyes of she who unknowingly held his heart. Fear not of a dangerous adversary, but of himself; Sans Bones, the one sworn and bound by fealty to protect her. Sans felt himself die and turn to dust, but in this nightmare there was no revival, no returning to his brother. Here there was only death as a repeated meme. Sans began to wonder how many times he could die before he went insane. He struggled against the madness that threatened to overtake him; his only wish to return home to his brother and to Frisk. Then suddenly, finally Sans was able to wrestle back control over his mind, only for his imaginings to take an even darker turn.

Sans came back to himself slowly, his head was a jumble of half remembered flashes. Thoughts and memories, confused by near loss of self. Shaking off the madness was like trying to dislodge peanut butter without a glass of milk; when he did, he found himself in darkness with voice calling out to him.

“Hello? Heello! Am I coming in clear?”

“...uh, ugh...” Sans groaned, the voice in the gloom was much to loud.

“Hee-llo-o… yoo-hoo… comedian. Co-mee-dee-an!”

“...w-what, who’s there?” The voice sounded eerily familiar, echoing in the blackness, both near and far away; sounding like it was one with the caliginosity, fully immersed in its environment.

“Oh, comedian I’m hurt. Are you trying to say you don’t remember me… PAL?”

Total recognition came slowly, along with the awareness that the darkness was all consuming. There was nothing to see or to be seen, a true absence of light. The voice rang like a haunting melody in Sans’ ossicles.

“...no. dear GOD… no.”

“Oh ho-ho, yes, though I wouldn’t call on God, but that’s just my personal preference.” Unholy merriment came from somewhere in the dark.

“By the looks of things it seems you’ve left my Partner and your dear, sweet brother all alone. Tisk, tisk… what a shame.”

“...you can’t be here.” Sans prayed that this was just another nightmare. That voice, the voice that haunted his darkest dreams, sounded so real; frighteningly real.

“Here with you, there with _my_ beautiful Partner and your… **brother** ,” the word that named Sans’ sibling was spat with derision, “or lost in a sea of endless darkness. I’m everywhere.”

“...you leave them alone,” Agent Bones half-shouted, half-begged.

“Oh my dear comedian… what are you going to do? Hmmm,” the voice berated Sans.

“You. Can’t. Even. Wake. Up.”

“...whaddya mean i can’t wake up?” Scornful chuckles resonated in the darkness.

“Oh, now that is rich. I mean, ‘Mister I Know What You’ve Done By That Look on Your Face,’ doesn’t know where he is? I was watching your dreams. Did you know your fear is like a fine wine,” more laughter.

“Not that I would know, I’m just a widdle boy afta all.” the voice said sardonically, laughter moving from place to place in the darkness.

“Or, maybe, it is like the richest dark chocolate. Not that I can remember. After all it’s been awhile since I ate anything, and when I did it was SHITTY, OVERPRICED Face Steak. Do you remember that comedian?”

“...i’d hardly call you a little boy, you fucking demon,” Sans swore viciously, his own voice rebounded making this strange place sound both small and large.  

“Play nice, or maybe I’ll pay my Partner and your brother a special visit, to… pay my respects. I ALWAYS find your brother such, charming company. He dies so well,” the childlike voice mocked from the gloom.

“... don’t talk about my brother, don’t you even think about him. you’ve done nothing but hurt him time and again… an’ ya used the kid to do it. if she ever fully remembered it would destroy her pure soul.”

The creature of shadow chose to ignore Sans, continuing to prod the viper pit which the Agent’s rage could become. The Bones brothers were in the way of the ultimate prize, and the only thing to do when things were in the way, was crush them into dust. In the end, everything would belong to the demon; it did not matter it was all a game anyway, and the name of the game was ‘End Everything.’

“Pure soul, pure soul? You really are an idiot, in order for my essence to commingle with a soul… it has to be willing. You blind fool, she wanted to see what would happen if she JUST KILLED YOU ALL. She nearly remembered today, or was it yesterday? Maybe it will be tomorrow. I can never keep track of time here.” The voice tittered as if this were the best joke in the world.

“No matter eventually you’ll slip up, and scare her right back into my arms. YOU DISGUSTING MONSTER.”

“I SAID, STAY AWAY FROM THEM.” Sans knew he was being provoked and manipulated, but this demon knew how to bring out the worst in him with little effort.

“Uh-oh, you mad comedian? O’course if you play in the darkness long enough, it could drive anyone mad.”

Sans moaned and tried to figure out where his hands were so he could cover his external acoustic meatus, but it was too dark and everything felt so heavy. This had to be another nightmare, they came with alarming frequency, that would surely explain the sluggish feeling in the air, and the lack of control over the environment. Agent Bones attempted to move once more, knowing it was likely futile, and he tried desperately to remember the day’s events leading up to this jaunty turn in the land of slumber.

“Comedian, did I lose you? Ya know, I wouldn’t try too hard if I were you, this place does funny things to your memory.” The demonic voice’s attempt at concern rang hollow, it made Sans sick.

“...like i’d take advice from you. You dirty brother killer.”

“Oh, gosh that never gets old… no matter how MANY times I hear it.”

Sans ignored the taunt, and attempted to recover any memory he could about the hours leading up to waking in this caliginous void. How long had he been here, time seemed to have no meaning in this place; still Sans tried to gain order from the chaos that was his mind. He recalled had been talking with his brother about, that was odd he drew a blank, what had they been talking about. The young agent tried again, there had been a text message to, someone, but whom he could not say. Then he was running, no that could not be right, Agent Sans Bones did not run. He remembered sickness, then pain and more pain, followed by death; that seemed incorrect as well, because despite the pain in his head, and the unpleasant company, he felt very much alive. Strangely, Sans had a sharp, clear recollection of Papyrus, calm and deadly, telling he could not have died; that Sans would not dare do such a thing. Then without warning his memories came flooding back, but in reverse, starting with the end of the nightmarish madness and ending with waking to Toriel’s phone call. Sans let out a blood curdling, horrified scream at the disordered torrent, meanwhile the disembodied voice cackled seemingly enjoying Sans’ torment.

“Oh that’s it; there’s that sweet flavour, so rich, so dark.” Each word was enunciated, though the essence of Sans fear was being devoured slowly.

“Though I did warn you, comedian. After all I’m an expert. This place is my kingdom, until my Partner helps me create a new one. O’course we won’t change it much,” the fiend in the dark took Sans’ words and twisted them for its own amusement. Agent Bones would have been ill if he knew which way was up, but this place was like a no place, a formless void. Sans tried to reach for his magic, a light he believed could push past the darkness of this hollow realm. Reach he did and his magic flared, yet cyan light that served as his ultimate protection, was reflected back at him like a twisted hall of funhouse mirrors. The icy, burning sting, that would have killed him within moments in his youth, instead did nothing; seemingly passing through his formless form.

“Golly, this is the best. I won’t have to do a thing, you are going to kill them for me.” Sans magic stuttered, flickering in the all consuming darkness.

“...kill them? kill frisk and papyrus, don’t make me laugh… They are not here you deceiver!”

“Poor, confused, misguided comedian,” the voice let out a pitying sigh.

“Did you miss the bit where I mentioned, ‘I’m everywhere?’ You are here with me. Which means… You. Are. EVERYWHERE. Too.”

Agent Bones snorted, looking up, he hoped, into the vast blackness; chuckling at the ridicule and tired of the demon’s lies. Sans realised he was tired, how long could he keep up the fight against insanity; if he were truly asleep how was it possible that he felt so fatigued. Was it feasible he was in some sort of third state, somewhere beyond the waking world and not touching the world of dreams; no, not even the demon could have such power.

“...stop lying,” Sans said casting his magic away with a flick of thought.

“You doubt me? That hurts comedian,” there was a feigned sob, which seemed to come from all around Sans.

“I may be evil, but I don’t lie. Well... not much anyway. Right now in the… ‘world,’ ” Sans could swear he heard air quotes.

“You are, for lack of a better description, asleep, and… and here is the funny part, you’ll love this. Your magic is misfiring. Every. Single. Time. You call on it.” Cackling filled with mockery, echoed in the dark.

“Sans, Saaaans, Sans, this isn’t the first time you’ve called forth the fires of balance and justice. You, have single handedly managed to drain your brother down to double digits. Well done.” Applause filled the cavernous abyss.

“Well done, even I couldn’t do that without help. Though, and I have to hand it to my dear Partner, she did fight me every step of the way; and it was glorious. It was almost like having her.” Lewd noises resounded and Sans growled angrily.

 “You _still_ fancy her comedian? Oh-ho-ho that is brilliant, you really do know how to make me laugh,” to punctuate the humor that the impish voice found in such an idea, it roared with laughter. The Agent growled once more at the scorn cast at his person, but self doubt began to settle in his soul. The phantom’s words fractured his resolve.

“I mean really, by her ‘STANDARDS’… to borrow a phrase from your dear brother, though _I_ use it better. You, are nothing more than an animated corpse. WHAT would she find even mildly appealing about you? Honestly can you even...” More suggestive, bawdy sounds filled the blackness. If Sans could have blushed he would have. The very idea of holding Frisk’s hand, or just spending time alone with her, had Sans’ cheeks glowing from cyan to deep azure.    

“...you. You, sick fuck!”

“My, my Agent Bones… language, what would my Partner think? I mean really, how shocking. Voicing your desires aloud like that, which of us is really the SICK FUCK? Why would she want you, poor excuse for a SOULMATE that you are, when she’s already been with me? Her SOUL was joined with mine, and we would have been one! IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOUR DAMNED MEDDLING. Frisk is mine, she is mine. MINE, FOREVER MINE!”

“... shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!”

The younger Bones could not take it anymore, trapped here with his immortal enemy, he was afraid the madness would claim him once more; the fear of madness was more overwhelming than the darkness. His soul began to fracture under the strain, then Sans broke down and did something he had not done since he had seen his brother die; Captain Sans Mikha'el Bones began to cry.

“PAPYRUS, PAPYRUS,” Sans screamed for his brother like a lost child.

“Paaa-piii-rus, Paaa-piii-rus, boo-hoo I need you,” the deceiver mocked

“...’pyrus, please, PLEASE come and find me,” the young Agent sobbed, he just wanted to go home.

“Comedian, your big brother can’t save you now! So, why don’t you SHUT THE FUCK UP, I am, quite frankly, getting tired of your whining. Damned crybaby!”

“...’pyrus… please.”

“Crybaby, Saa-ans. Crybaby, Saa-ans.”

“...’pyrus,” Sans begged the darkness. “...help me.”

“SaNS, DO NOT fucking cryBABY BONES.”

“...papyrus, it’s so dark… please.”

“SANS, CAN YOU HEAR ME? I know you can hear me Comedian, COME ON cryBABY BONES OPEN YOUR EYES.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Another chapter of...this, based on the Undertale AU, SecuriTale created by tekitourabbit her work found here: http://tekitourabbit.deviantart.com/ Undertale, related characters, and some words belong to Toby Fox.
> 
> Chapter song: Old Skin ft. Arnór Dan - Ólafur Arnalds

 

Chapter 10

Somewhere in the multiverse justice whispered:

‘...oh brother, forgive me my secrets, my lies.

i never meant to hurt you, only protect you.

so that darkness could not taint the purest, bravest of souls.

...i failed you so many times.’

 

“...papyrus, it’s so dark… please.” Sans baritone usually strong and lusty, crackled weakly after eight days of disuse. The younger Bones shuddered, chilled by some unfelt cold, in his elder brother’s arms. Papyrus shifted to hold his brother closer; risking further injury mattered not to Papyrus, so long as he could rouse his brother from the hellish slumber holding claim on Sans’ soul.

“SANS, CAN YOU HEAR ME? I AM HERE, COME ON BABY BONES, OPEN YOUR EYES.” Papyrus voice was both pleading and hopeful. Having spent one-hundred seventy-nine hours, forty-three minutes, and fifty-eight seconds, awake, in the desert that devoured all faith; the elder Bones drank deep from the oasis of anticipation, which sprang forth at the sound of his younger brother’s voice.

“BROTHER, PLEASE… WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT YOU,” the question was asked and answered by Papyrus’ sigh. The elder could hardly remember a time before they were two together; inseparable.

“I HAVE MADE SO MANY MISTAKES WITH YOU. PERHAPS THAT IS WHY YOU KEEP SECRETS FROM ME.”

“...’pyrus, papyrus i’m sorry… i’m so sorry.”

“SHH, HUSH NOW, I AM NOT ANGRY,” Papyrus thought Sans was speaking of the events of the previous Monday. The younger Bones was however, just on the cusp of consciousness and as yet totally unaware of his surroundings; so Sans said something to his brother, something he thought he would take to the place where he would fall.

“...no matter what i did ...i-i couldn’t save you.”

“SWEET BOY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”

“...i watched,” Sans whispered throatily.

“WATCHED,” Papyrus asked with trepidation.

“WHAT DID YOU WATCH, THAT COULD HAVE YOU THIS UPSET?”

“...i watched you die so many times…,” Sans breathed hauntingly, but he sat up and hugged his brother; connecting himself with the only family he could remember.

“...you died so many times, i tried to stop it… i tried, i was afraid… numb.” Sans sobbed into his brother’s shoulder, clutching Papyrus for dear life.

The statement sent a chill through Papyrus’ bones, it explained everything and nothing; everything about his brother’s overly protective nature, yet nothing about his secrecy. Surely, this was just more of Sans fearfulness from childhood coming back to haunt him and give him nightmares; was it not? Papyrus cuddled his brother closer and hummed softly, and soon Sans’ soft snores filled the room.

“FINALLY, ACTUALLY SLEEPING LAZYBONES? GOOD, NOW MAYBE YOUR BIG BROTHER,” the elder yawned, “CAN GET SOME SLEEP.” Papyrus released the magic he was using to maintain the shield, before slipping into easy slumber; still holding his brother.

 

* * *

 

 

Oddly enough, it was Sans who woke first and not Papyrus, but the sound of screaming, banging, splintering wood and the groan of steel under strain would wake anyone. Sans tried to shout over the din, but he quickly discovered that his hyoid was against it and would not allow him to voice anything but the tiniest squeak. The door to Sans’ room groaned under some kind of pressure, the hinges creaking, until the door gave way with a splintering pop and the shearing of metal. Undyne and King Asgore stood in the doorway, each holding crowbars; Queen Toriel was standing behind them looking quite anxious; Frisk was holding her mother’s hand, her face ruddy, with two dry salty tracks down her cheeks; and Alphys was hopping nervously behind everyone holding what looked to Sans like a bag of monster candy and a first-aid kit.

*...what’s up,* Sans signed then patted where his throat would be if he had flesh, as everyone stared first at him and then his brother. Frisk was the first to break the silence.

“S-Sans,” her voice wavered, it sounded strained. The girl released her mother’s hand and ran into the room pushing past Undyne and her father, and stood at the side of Sans’ bed; in the small space between the bedside table and Papyrus. Frisk hesitantly took her best friend’s hand, clutching it all too briefly in her own, before quickly dropping it back onto the bed.

*I heard you scream and I feared the worst,* she signed in response to his question.

*I yelled and yelled, but neither of you came and the door was locked. That was when I called Undyne and Mother, of course Undyne brought Alphys and Mother brought Father. I humbly apologize for your bedroom door, but I could not find the key anywhere.*

“...so’k kiddo,” Sans’ voice cracked, it was barely audible.

“Papyrus,” she whispered, *is he alright?* Frisk reached for the elder’s hand and stroked it gently.

“...’pyrus,” he returned to signing when he realized his voice was going to betray him.

*...he’s okay, just tired. i think he had a shield up, i felt something when i woke up the first time, * Sans sighed and checked his brother’s HP with trepidation; eleven, it was eleven. Sans wondered fearfully what he had done.

“...alphys, could i have some water,” he asked his voice barely above a whisper. The scientist looked at him dumbly for a moment, before it registered that he was indeed addressing her and while he looked weak he seemed to be okay.

“S-sure Sans,” Alphys said, pressing the first-aid kit into Undyne’s hands, setting the sack of candy on top, before running down to the kitchen. The sound of Alphys’ feet running down the stairs seemed to break the tension and give the others permission to speak.

“My boy, it is good that you are well, we were beginning to worry,” Asgore said in his gentle bass.

“Yeah Clown, we thought the worst. Especially when Papy kicked me out and stopped answering my texts.” Undyne stepped into the room taking a place to Sans’ left, behind Papyrus, while gently and strategically pulling Frisk into her wake; each of the others followed her and took places around the bed. The warrior fish placed the first aid kit onto Sans’ bedside table, apparently turning her attention to removing the ribbon from the bag of boiled monster sweets, though it was clear to anyone with military training that she was watching Sans for any untoward moves.

*...he had his reasons, i’m sure.* Sans did not miss the way Frisk was being removed from his presence, nor the way Undyne watched him as a hawk eyes its prey. The younger Bones was also fully aware that Toriel had checked his brother’s HP, the look on the Queen’s face gave her away; it was abundantly clear she was not the only one who had done so, their faces told the young Agent everything. Sans was surprised that Queen Toriel had not yet made the offer to heal his brother, the former keeper of the Ruins instead watched him warily.

“Maybe,” Undyne responded, doubtfully, twisting the ribbon from the candy in her fingers.

“Sans dear, perhaps I should bake a pie for when he wakes up,” the Queen offered, her voice gentle and steady as ever yet there was fear in her eyes. Sans wondered at the fear, it reminded him of something he could not place, as he watched Toriel move from her place near the foot of the bed to her daughter’s side, her Highness was taking her cue from Undyne, quickly clutching the girl’s hand in her own.

*...queen toriel, my brother and myself would be honored. i humbly thank you.* Sans sketched a seated bow with difficulty; his brother’s hold was tight, despite the fact that Papyrus was deep in slumber. The Queen gave the young agent a small smile before excusing herself to the kitchen, taking her reluctant daughter with her. As soon as the two women were gone Undyne grabbed Sans roughly by the collar, pulling him from his brother’s arms and Papyrus fell forward limply onto the bed.

“What the hell did you do and why is Papy… hell Sans, what happened?”

*...undyne i don’t know,* the younger Bones struggled to sign from his position, Undyne’s grip was like steel.

*...all i know is i remember waking up a while ago and my bro, he lulled me back to sleep.* Sans shrugged, his eyes held a look of confusion.

*...but he told me he wasn’t angry.* Sans sighed deeply and struggled to find his voice, he wanted to be heard.

“...undyne you know i would never, never hurt him. he’s the only family i’ve ever known. he’s all i have,” Sans swallowed thickly, his mouth felt painfully dry.

“Undyne,” the king was shocked, “is such a LV really necessary? Certainly Captain Bones would gladly answer all of your questions, right my boy?”

“...yes, your highness,” Sans whispered raspily.

“Your Majesty forgive me,” the Director released the young Agent roughly onto the bed, in order to give King Asgore a sloppy curtsy.

“I need answers, Your Highness. We still don’t fully understand what happened with Sans, and now we come here and Deputy Director Bones is out like a light. I bet any of us can count on one hand, the number times we’ve actually seen Papy sleep.”

“True my girl,” Asgore spoke gently, “but as a leader among my people you must remember: compassion before passion.” Undyne nodded at him apologetically and the king smiled at her; Asgore then picked up Papyrus as if he weighed nothing.

“Our friend here looks a bit uncomfortable. I’ll just take him to his own room, so he can rest and let you two talk.” The king the plodded across the fallen door, and exited the room. Sans watched his brother being taken from his sight and shivered slightly, before returning his attention to Undyne.

*...undyne, why don’t you start by telling me what happened. the last thing i remember is giving my brother my report, in the forest, before dozing off. i know my… my HP was really low.*

“Clown… Sans,” Undyne suspired in frustration, she looked away from the younger Bones to the almost forgotten fabric which held the sweets in her hands. The fish warrior fiddled with the sack in thought before pulling out a singular wrapped confection and handing it to her subordinate.

“Look, let me start by asking you a question, what day is it?”

“...tuesday,” Agent Bones managed to croak, as he reached for the candy; unwrapping it thoughtfully as he listened to his Director.

“Yes it’s Tuesday, but I need the date Sans. What’s today’s exact date?”

*... weird, but okay. today is tuesday, eleven may 202x.* Sans signed, before popping the sweet into his mouth, with a confused look on his face. Undyne shook her head.

“No Nerd, today is Tuesday, **_Eighteen_ ** May 202x.”

“...eight days,” Sans coughed, nearly swallowing the candy, “i was asleep eight days?”

“Just about,” Undyne nodded, as Alphys entered the room with a pitcher of water and several glasses.

“H-here Sans,” Alphys offered the Agent a glass and filled it with water.

“...thanks al,” Sans said, after taking a drink his baritone sounded more normal, doubtless the monster candy was doing most of the work.

“...what time is it,” the young agent asked, boiled sweet clicking loudly between his teeth. Undyne pulled out her phone and glanced at the screen; she looked back at Sans questioningly.

“Fourteen hundred forty-five, why?”

“...uh, no reason just wanted to check somethin’,” the young Agent glanced around the room, clearly looking for something.

“S-Sans, is t-there a problem?” The Scientist looked at him quizzically.

“...uh, heh,” Sans coughed again and took another sip of water.

“...i was, uh... just looking for my phone.” Sans sucked on the candy lustily before crunching the sweet loudly; his voice sounded stronger now, not with its normal timbre but better. Undyne rolled her eyes and snorted with disgust at his noise.

“I-I’m afraid its seen better days, t-though it fared better that that p-pack of cigarettes you were carrying. S-Sans, I-I don’t have a lot of p-places to store u-unstable antimatter.” Alphys frowned and looked at her hands.

“...really? wow, that’s so cool! the last time i saw them they were in quantum flux… aww shit, what about my lighter.”

“I-I t-think, that is t-to say, your lighter m-may have f-fused with your c-cigarettes… t-that may have been w-what started the f-fire. M-most likely I-I can salvage your m-mobile’s data, probably… umm, m-maybe?”

“I cannot believe, we are having a conversation about the crap you keep in your pockets!” Undyne grumped, crossing her arms.

“Sans, we all know you cheat to hold more loot than a Temmie.” Alphys snorted at Undyne’s comment and gave the fish warrior a playful shove, which made Undyne face light up with a toothy smile. Sans guffawed loudly, before falling into a coughing fit while still grinning at his two friends. The three laughed for a few brief moments, slowly calming; Alphys was the first to sober.

“S-Sans, you k-know you… y-you died right? Papyrus almost went crazy,” the Scientist said softly.

There it was, that unwanted truth; hanging in the air like a broken birthday banner flapping in the face of reason and logic. Undyne watched Sans’ face very carefully but his visage was a neutral mask, as he reached for the pitcher and poured himself more water; taking a steadying drink before asking.

“...did he hurt anyone?”

Undyne chuckled.

“You remember Carl?”

“...if i recall, he was doin’ some aerial acrobatics before i passed out.” Sans blinked slowly a few times trying to recall the memory of Carl screaming and struggling in the hold of Papyrus’ magic.

“Nasty case of whiplash, and a torn rotator cuff. Your brother told the idiot not to struggle.” Sans nodded and hummed in thought.

“...good i was worried. now to the more serious question, how long was i dead?”

Alphys did not speak, but tugged on her tail anxiously. Sans pulled Alphys’ tail from her hands, forcing the Doctor to look at him.

“...how long al?”

“F-four minutes,”

“...hmm, a short hop it might not register. was DT stable for the duration?”

“Y-yes, well f-for the most part… umm, there was a seven millisecond DT spike.”

“...when did it occur,” Sans asked, his voice serious; gone was the pranking comic, in his place was the cold logician. Agent Bones hated this feeling of not knowing, it made him feel weak, but he needed to know.

“...dammit al, when did it occur?”

“W-when your HP l-last bottomed out, right b-before… before y-you…” Alphys was clearly dismayed by the whole ordeal. Sans knew things like this upset Alphys delicate mental state; her tendencies to self-blame and self-harm, were something the younger Bones always regretted being unable to stop. Sans watched her closely, as always, for signs of backsliding, but Undyne was right there pulling her girlfriend into a tight embrace.

“...before i died?”

Doctor Alphys nodded, but allowed herself a sweet moment of comfort, in loving arms, before continuing.

“T-that’s not all, S-Sans your existence was w-wavering.”

“...wavering,” he mulled that word over, playing with it in his mind, before repeating it.

“...wavering… wavering how?” Alphys sighed and leaned further into Undyne’s embrace.

“J-just like the fallen did, r-right before they coalesced i-into amalgamates.” Sans ran his hand over his brow, then down his nasal bone, before scrubbing his left hand over his entire face.

“...you know what this means don’t you,” he asked and Alphys nodded.

“...al, if i took on more DT… it’s serious alphys, i don’t know how much more i can handle. You have to promise me that you won’t say anything, not a word to papyrus.”

“I-I’ll do my best S-Sans, but h-he inadvertently found out a-about the trackers.”

“...i know al, i shoulda told him myself. asking you not to tell him was a mistake.”

“You two nerds know I’m still here, right? Sans I can’t do it, I won’t do that to your brother. After the fiasco with the trackers I swore to Papyrus, full disclosure.” Undyne gave her subordinate a stern look, then gave her ponytail a tug.

“...undyne, please this is something my brother cannot know,” Sans gazed into the warrior’s eye, while his own expression was both serious and pleading. Undyne watched the younger Bones, suddenly something in her eyes changed and she growled before she spat out.

“Alright, but if Papyrus finds out...”

“...i know, he won’t have a chance to be pissed, because you’ll dust me first. damn undyne, one might think he was your brother and not mine.”

“Brothers in arms nerd,” she huffed gently, “if it weren’t for Papy I’d have lost more than my eye.”

 

“...i know, undyne, i know, ” Sans sighed, tiredly, remembering all too well the damage Undyne had sustained at the hands of another, less fortunate human, and how his brother and Gerson had tried to ease her pain. Undyne’s screams were something his young ossicles were never meant to hear, and they were something he would never forget.

“...leastways, the kid didn’t do it this time.”

“I-I don’t know S-Sans,” Alphys spoke softly, “her proximity w-was too close to r-rule Frisk out completely, s-she may still have been t-the catalyst… you k-know Papyrus i-is right, you sh-should be studying Astronomy, o-or better yet Quantum P-physics. T-this security job i-is a waste o-of your brilliant mind.”

Sans ignored Alphys’ comment, he was still extrapolating the known to this new unknown. He had felt himself die, yet he had not seen the possible outcomes nor had he seen any of the other Sans-es

“ I still don’t buy half the crap you nerds are selling, I can’t believe the punk is capable of...” There was a sudden loud bang in the the hallway and Undyne was unable to finish her thought as the sound of running footsteps came closer. Papyrus ran into Sans room, nearly tripping over the fallen door; King Asgore followed behind did not enter the room, but leaning on the doorframe. The elder Bones skidded, falling on his knees in front of his brother; pulling his young sibling into a tight embrace.

“...hey ‘pyrus.” Sans put his arms tightly around his brother’s neck

“OH THANK GOD, WHEN I WOKE UP AND HIS MAJESTY WAS THE ONLY ONE IN THE ROOM I FEARED THE WORST. I THOUGHT PERHAPS…” Papyrus shook his head, as if to dislodge negative thoughts.

“ARE YOU ALRIGHT?”

“...heh, you know me i’m always ok bro, i’m unbreakable.”


End file.
